![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
TITLE: Expectations
AUTHOR: Helena K.
RATING: FRM
PAIRING: Giles/Xander
DEDICATION: To![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
softprincess who thought up a great idea for her Birthday!Month!
WARNING: M/M relationship; medical trauma; despair
SUMMARY: Giles is seriously ill. What can Xander do about it?
TIMELINE: Years post Chosen. Comics? What comics?
NOTE: "Speech"
Emphasis in thought or speech
//Thought//
DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to Joss and a whole bunch of alphabetical entities. I know the Polish alphabet. Not the same thing. Not for profit, just fun.
FEEDBACK: I have no expectations, but feedback is always lovely!
DISTRIBUTION: Posted to my LJ and written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
gilesxander; anybody else, please ask.
... beep ... beep ... beep ....
... whoosh ... whoosh ....
Xander's face was buried in his hands as he kept vigil. He didn't need to open his eyes to see the tube and mask providing oxygen or the heart-rate monitor indicating that the patient was still alive, though in a medically-induced coma. He ignored the doctors and nurses who would come by periodically to check on Giles, occasionally adding scribbles on charts that could have been in Mongolian, for all Xander knew.
Giles was sick. Really sick. And, no, Xander hadn't paid attention when the doctors had started spouting long, really, really long words. He hadn't understood what they'd said anyway. All that Latin. Had to mean a bad thing. If Willow had been there, she would have pulled out her laptop-du-jour and broken the syllables down into bite-sized bits. Still Latin, but she would have walked him through it. But Willow wasn't there. And he didn't want her there. He didn't need to know exactly what the problem was. That much he could see for himself, Latin or no Latin.
Xander was thankful that Giles had chosen to spend a lot of Council money to have this special hospital built. With all of the Slayer activations and Watcher assignments, Giles had decided they needed to have a dedicated medical facility at their disposal. One where they didn't need to manufacture lame excuses in the ER (attacked by kids on drugs, concussions, yadda, yadda ... whatever) in order to get treatment. And, even though the Slayers had natural healing ability ... or because they had it, it didn't make sense to subject them to inappropriate and unwanted observation by strange medical personnel. Also, because they were living longer, who knew if they'd come down with something big like cancer? So the hospital was a very good thing.
Besides, he knew, as only a few others did, the hospital's morgue was where they brought dead demons in to be autopsied. But right now dead was not a place Xander wanted to be visiting. Nope. Giles was just sick and Xander was sticking to his side.
Also, nobody here questioned Xander's right to be with Giles. Even though Xander had rejected Giles's proposal of marriage, their relationship was recognized legally. Xander was wondering if he should have said Yes to Giles, even though he was still sick to think of how he'd left Anya at the altar. Besides, there was an unyielding set to his jaw when he'd admitted to Giles that a marriage in the UK would not have meant as much. If he couldn't get married in the old US of A, then he just wouldn't have felt married. Xander knew he was being dumb and, just because his own country of birth had its head stuck in its ass, stubborn too. Now, Xander thought he would have done anything to have that piece of paper showing that Giles had chosen him.
//Giles, how could you let this happen to you?//
Xander had known that Giles wasn't looking after himself properly. The signs had been there, but Giles had ignored them and Xander had allowed him to get away with it. Apparently the doctors had all warned Giles, but he'd kept the information away from Xander. For a fleeting moment, Xander cursed Giles. //Damn it, Giles, why didn't you tell me what was wrong with you? We could've done it together. Everything the doctors said you should be doing.//
But Giles had not followed their advice and, when he'd collapsed, Xander was helpless. Helpless against a demon that he couldn't tackle or send a squad of Slayers to obliterate. Nobody could help Giles. Nobody could help Xander. But it was up to him to figure out how he was going to take charge when Giles came home. Things would be different.
* * * * *
Xander was thinking back to the early days, the first time he'd received a proper blowjob from Giles. Or when Giles taught him how to give one. It was like turning the earth upside down and shaking the little fake snowflakes. When they had settled back down, Xander's life had been changed forever. And it wasn't as if it was even All.About.The.Sex. It was as if he'd discovered who he really was. Finally.
And it wasn't that he hadn't loved Anya; he had ... but he was meant to fall in love with Giles. All because he'd walked into the high school and gotten to know the librarian. Okay, so maybe Super-Librarian, what with the swords and potions and the silly Halloween hat. Envisioning Giles as a super-hero had appealed to Xander and it wasn't only because of his comic book habit. Growing up, Xander had only known adults who were drunks, whiners, manipulators, cheats and abusers. It was no wonder that Giles was like a 50-foot G-Man, so far above the pesky bugs of his family whom he'd wanted to smash sometimes (except then he wouldn't have been any better than his father whose first line of action was to push a fist into somebody's face).
He thought back to more sex. Hey, he was a guy and he expected to think about sex, um, more sex. He hadn't known what to expect, because nobody went around and taught you that gaysex could be loving and gentle. And Giles had always been that with him. And patient. And disciplined. Only thing was Giles was always on top. Always. Xander tried not to let it bother him, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to know what it felt like, to be in Giles. In. Giles. He always shivered when he thought about it.
Well, things were going to change when Xander brought Giles home. Giles was going to look after himself and Xander was hiring himself to make sure Giles got the message. So, no more travelling for Xander on Council business. If the farthest he got was the grocer's to pick up milk and bread and eggs, then that would be his itinerary.
And, when Giles was well enough, Xander would take him to bed, take him. He could imagine the look on Giles's face when he found out that Xander meant business.
Finally, not even waiting until Giles was completely healthy, Xander decided he'd propose to Giles. Even if his own concept of marriage had been screwed, he wanted Giles to know that he loved him that much.
* * * * *
Xander's head was filled with expectations. Beyond the reality of loving and being loved, that was all he had to look forward to.
So, he sat and waited and dreamed.
He had all the time in the world.
... beep ... beep ... beep ....
... whoosh ... whoosh ....
END
AUTHOR: Helena K.
RATING: FRM
PAIRING: Giles/Xander
DEDICATION: To
softprincess who thought up a great idea for her Birthday!Month!WARNING: M/M relationship; medical trauma; despair
SUMMARY: Giles is seriously ill. What can Xander do about it?
TIMELINE: Years post Chosen. Comics? What comics?
NOTE: "Speech"
Emphasis in thought or speech
//Thought//
DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to Joss and a whole bunch of alphabetical entities. I know the Polish alphabet. Not the same thing. Not for profit, just fun.
FEEDBACK: I have no expectations, but feedback is always lovely!
DISTRIBUTION: Posted to my LJ and written for
gilesxander; anybody else, please ask.... beep ... beep ... beep ....
... whoosh ... whoosh ....
Xander's face was buried in his hands as he kept vigil. He didn't need to open his eyes to see the tube and mask providing oxygen or the heart-rate monitor indicating that the patient was still alive, though in a medically-induced coma. He ignored the doctors and nurses who would come by periodically to check on Giles, occasionally adding scribbles on charts that could have been in Mongolian, for all Xander knew.
Giles was sick. Really sick. And, no, Xander hadn't paid attention when the doctors had started spouting long, really, really long words. He hadn't understood what they'd said anyway. All that Latin. Had to mean a bad thing. If Willow had been there, she would have pulled out her laptop-du-jour and broken the syllables down into bite-sized bits. Still Latin, but she would have walked him through it. But Willow wasn't there. And he didn't want her there. He didn't need to know exactly what the problem was. That much he could see for himself, Latin or no Latin.
Xander was thankful that Giles had chosen to spend a lot of Council money to have this special hospital built. With all of the Slayer activations and Watcher assignments, Giles had decided they needed to have a dedicated medical facility at their disposal. One where they didn't need to manufacture lame excuses in the ER (attacked by kids on drugs, concussions, yadda, yadda ... whatever) in order to get treatment. And, even though the Slayers had natural healing ability ... or because they had it, it didn't make sense to subject them to inappropriate and unwanted observation by strange medical personnel. Also, because they were living longer, who knew if they'd come down with something big like cancer? So the hospital was a very good thing.
Besides, he knew, as only a few others did, the hospital's morgue was where they brought dead demons in to be autopsied. But right now dead was not a place Xander wanted to be visiting. Nope. Giles was just sick and Xander was sticking to his side.
Also, nobody here questioned Xander's right to be with Giles. Even though Xander had rejected Giles's proposal of marriage, their relationship was recognized legally. Xander was wondering if he should have said Yes to Giles, even though he was still sick to think of how he'd left Anya at the altar. Besides, there was an unyielding set to his jaw when he'd admitted to Giles that a marriage in the UK would not have meant as much. If he couldn't get married in the old US of A, then he just wouldn't have felt married. Xander knew he was being dumb and, just because his own country of birth had its head stuck in its ass, stubborn too. Now, Xander thought he would have done anything to have that piece of paper showing that Giles had chosen him.
//Giles, how could you let this happen to you?//
Xander had known that Giles wasn't looking after himself properly. The signs had been there, but Giles had ignored them and Xander had allowed him to get away with it. Apparently the doctors had all warned Giles, but he'd kept the information away from Xander. For a fleeting moment, Xander cursed Giles. //Damn it, Giles, why didn't you tell me what was wrong with you? We could've done it together. Everything the doctors said you should be doing.//
But Giles had not followed their advice and, when he'd collapsed, Xander was helpless. Helpless against a demon that he couldn't tackle or send a squad of Slayers to obliterate. Nobody could help Giles. Nobody could help Xander. But it was up to him to figure out how he was going to take charge when Giles came home. Things would be different.
* * * * *
Xander was thinking back to the early days, the first time he'd received a proper blowjob from Giles. Or when Giles taught him how to give one. It was like turning the earth upside down and shaking the little fake snowflakes. When they had settled back down, Xander's life had been changed forever. And it wasn't as if it was even All.About.The.Sex. It was as if he'd discovered who he really was. Finally.
And it wasn't that he hadn't loved Anya; he had ... but he was meant to fall in love with Giles. All because he'd walked into the high school and gotten to know the librarian. Okay, so maybe Super-Librarian, what with the swords and potions and the silly Halloween hat. Envisioning Giles as a super-hero had appealed to Xander and it wasn't only because of his comic book habit. Growing up, Xander had only known adults who were drunks, whiners, manipulators, cheats and abusers. It was no wonder that Giles was like a 50-foot G-Man, so far above the pesky bugs of his family whom he'd wanted to smash sometimes (except then he wouldn't have been any better than his father whose first line of action was to push a fist into somebody's face).
He thought back to more sex. Hey, he was a guy and he expected to think about sex, um, more sex. He hadn't known what to expect, because nobody went around and taught you that gaysex could be loving and gentle. And Giles had always been that with him. And patient. And disciplined. Only thing was Giles was always on top. Always. Xander tried not to let it bother him, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to know what it felt like, to be in Giles. In. Giles. He always shivered when he thought about it.
Well, things were going to change when Xander brought Giles home. Giles was going to look after himself and Xander was hiring himself to make sure Giles got the message. So, no more travelling for Xander on Council business. If the farthest he got was the grocer's to pick up milk and bread and eggs, then that would be his itinerary.
And, when Giles was well enough, Xander would take him to bed, take him. He could imagine the look on Giles's face when he found out that Xander meant business.
Finally, not even waiting until Giles was completely healthy, Xander decided he'd propose to Giles. Even if his own concept of marriage had been screwed, he wanted Giles to know that he loved him that much.
* * * * *
Xander's head was filled with expectations. Beyond the reality of loving and being loved, that was all he had to look forward to.
So, he sat and waited and dreamed.
He had all the time in the world.
... beep ... beep ... beep ....
... whoosh ... whoosh ....
END
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