Sadness ... and gratitude

It's been a very hard day (and I'm sitting here still feeling a little nauseous).

Oh, church was wonderful as usual (though I got cold waiting for a ride that didn't come and finally a cab did come in its place).

But, afterwards, I hung around because of the memorial service at 2. I was so hungry (and felt like an idiot because I'd been too tired to make a sandwich last night) so just had my couple of bits of chocolate and my meds.

The service started at 2 and I was just terribly grateful when M arrived. I didn't know how I would react (every funeral/memorial is different) but, before Mary sang she said a few words and that was enough to release the curtain of tears down my cheeks. Lloyd and Bruce had been together for 30 years, 4 of them married. So I was grateful that I had M to hug and hold hands during the service. I'm also grateful that I apparently found the perfect card yesterday. It was breathtakingly artistic and the words simple and not hackneyed. And I'm overwhelmingly grateful because, without their contributions, I would have never come to this church, never changed my outlook on life and ... never met M. That's a lot of what if nevers for one person to ponder. After, there was a small reception and I got to grab a cookie and punch. Oooooh, food. Well, almost.

M was very worried about my physical state, because I was zonked and needed protein and sleep. Our cab came before 4 and I was soon home. I had a little to eat but my overwhelming need was for sleep. So I had a 2-hour nap that got extended for another 2 hours. And, now, I've just had an apple and still feel the wooziness of lack of ... something. I don't have any desire to eat any of last night's cooking, but perhaps a titch of soup and a leftover glass of wine may help. Hey, I don't know. I think this is grief and loss manifesting as nausea. Every time I lose someone, it's different.

Anyway, I'm staying up for a bit and then I think I'll sleep again. Goodbye for now, Mr. Ambassador. We'll always love you.

Sad hugs,
H.

Sadness ... and gratitude

It's been a very hard day (and I'm sitting here still feeling a little nauseous).

Oh, church was wonderful as usual (though I got cold waiting for a ride that didn't come and finally a cab did come in its place).

But, afterwards, I hung around because of the memorial service at 2. I was so hungry (and felt like an idiot because I'd been too tired to make a sandwich last night) so just had my couple of bits of chocolate and my meds.

The service started at 2 and I was just terribly grateful when M arrived. I didn't know how I would react (every funeral/memorial is different) but, before Mary sang she said a few words and that was enough to release the curtain of tears down my cheeks. Lloyd and Bruce had been together for 30 years, 4 of them married. So I was grateful that I had M to hug and hold hands during the service. I'm also grateful that I apparently found the perfect card yesterday. It was breathtakingly artistic and the words simple and not hackneyed. And I'm overwhelmingly grateful because, without their contributions, I would have never come to this church, never changed my outlook on life and ... never met M. That's a lot of what if nevers for one person to ponder. After, there was a small reception and I got to grab a cookie and punch. Oooooh, food. Well, almost.

M was very worried about my physical state, because I was zonked and needed protein and sleep. Our cab came before 4 and I was soon home. I had a little to eat but my overwhelming need was for sleep. So I had a 2-hour nap that got extended for another 2 hours. And, now, I've just had an apple and still feel the wooziness of lack of ... something. I don't have any desire to eat any of last night's cooking, but perhaps a titch of soup and a leftover glass of wine may help. Hey, I don't know. I think this is grief and loss manifesting as nausea. Every time I lose someone, it's different.

Anyway, I'm staying up for a bit and then I think I'll sleep again. Goodbye for now, Mr. Ambassador. We'll always love you.

Sad hugs,
H.