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TITLE: "Rescuing Rodney" – Part 2 of 2
AUTHOR: Helena K.
RATING: FRM-R (mild)
PAIRING: Rodney/John
DEDICATION: To McSheppers everywhere, all the time.
TOTAL WORD COUNT: 10,506 (split into two parts)
WARNING: Despite the despair, there is a happy ending.
SUMMARY: Rodney's not quite all there because of an accident with – what else – Ancient tech. John can't really do anything for him but wait. During the waiting comes the despair, writing and hoping.
TIMELINE: Anytime during S4, but definitely after Quarantine. AU because ... hello S5. And, yes, even though I know The Shrine was on a couple days ago and I used one line from it, I started writing this during S4, so I really wanted to finish this (especially in light of the proclamation). Also, originally, this was intended to be much longer and John was feeling much more angst to the extent that certain days in the Journal would have only had a one word entry. Yes, you guessed it: Fuck.
NOTE: "Speech"
All action outside of written text in John's Journal which is unbolded
Emphasis in John's Journal only
Emphasis in thought or speech, outside of the Journal
//Thought//
LANGUAGE CHOICE: As this is basically John's POV, I used American spelling.
DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to a whole bunch of alphabetical entities. I know the Polish alphabet. Not the same thing. Not for profit, just fun. Besides, I'm just an old geezer. Not the desired demographic. ::sneers at TPTB::
FEEDBACK: Makes me happy. Makes me giddy. Makes me silly (er, more silly). Makes me write more (well, my pain always tells the writing to go away, so you need to overwhelm its negativity; just saying...).
DISTRIBUTION: Posted to my LJ and![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
mckay_sheppard; anybody else, please ask.
ARCHIVE: Wraithbait
Continued from Part 1: ”Rescuing Rodney”
Day 0
I can't believe I slept through the entire night. But that's how exhausted I was, even though we never went to bed right after dinner unless ... no I can't think about that. It's no wonder I was thinking in that direction because, when I was more fully awake, I was shocked to feel a warm body pressed against my back, a hand clutching my t-shirt. That felt so normal, so much like Rodney, that I was tempted to press back and wriggle my ass against his morning wood.
That would have been such a bad idea, so I forced it out of my head. As gently as possible, I loosened his fingers from my t-shirt and edged out of bed. Rodney didn't wake, but just murmured before sliding into my warm spot, spreading his legs and basically hogging the whole bed.
I grabbed my clothes for the day and went into the bathroom. Of course, now I was horny and frustrated but couldn't even consider jacking off. Somehow, it felt disrespectful. Of Rodney. Or us. Not that I hadn't done it on occasion when we were together ... or even in front of him as a turn-on, but this was different. So, I settled for a cold shower, got dressed and went back out.
Rodney was sitting up in bed, running his hand over his face. He didn't look too freaked out (I guess my getting out of bed was a good idea), but he did look confused. "John?"
"Hey, Rodney. Listen, why don't you meet me in the mess in about 30 minutes?" And, then, I was saved by Sam, on the radio. I listened for a minute before turning back to Rodney. "Look, Sam needs to see me, so I'll see you there. Okay?" It was a wonder the door opened quickly enough for me to escape.
Well, Sam saw me.
And ...
Fuck.
She just decided that the city needed to have a "We're glad you're okay, Rodney, party." And, would you believe it, a dance, too. Tomorrow. No alcohol, so that people could split their shifts to attend. And it had to be a surprise, so I would have to keep Rodney occupied even more. Luckily, the place Sam chose was not one that Rodney had ever visited, not that I knew, but at least I'd be able to keep him away from it so that people could decorate and arrange for food and stuff.
I'd never imagined that the new-and-improved Rodney would have made such a huge impact on everyone in the city. But he had. Everyone wanted to be around him. Except for me. Yes, I know. I've already established my credentials as a bastard, first class.
Anyway, I couldn't think about anything, as I figured Rodney would be in the mess already. I wasn't wrong. Teyla and Ronon were also there and Radek had joined Rodney. I noticed that Rodney had gotten his own food, so I concentrated on just getting something for myself before I joined them. Rodney looked up quickly, flushed. I decided to spare him and turned to Radek. "How's the diagnosis going on the amnesia machine, Radek?"
"Ah, Colonel, is not exactly amnesia machine. I believe memories are still there, only masked."
"So, that's a good thing, right?"
Well, that set Radek off which got Rodney going. I let their excited chatter wash over me, hoping that the nightmare would have a quick ending. At one point, Rodney stopped talking and looked at me. "Is it okay if I spend the morning with Radek? The two of us would probably get this whole thing solved if we worked together."
I nodded. "Sure thing, Rodney. I'll see you at lunch, then." I concentrated on finishing my breakfast, then announced to the entire table, "I think I'll see how Lorne's turning my paperwork into airplanes." Sure, I trusted Lorne, but I had to do something ... anything, and I was tired of just running around the city.
Then I came back to our quarters and decided it was finally time to start writing everything down in the journal, no matter how pissed off I was feeling. And, yes, it took me a few hours to start from the beginning, but at least I'm all caught up now.
When lunchtime came, I headed to the mess, but there was no Rodney and no Radek. So I radioed Rodney and heard a welcome sound. "Busy, now. Find somebody else."
I grabbed enough sandwiches and drinks for the three of us and headed over the lab where I found both men trying to analyze something in the database. Rodney looked up, acknowledged the food and then me. "Thanks for lunch. Listen, Radek found something that may give us a clue, but I don't want to stop. So, is it okay if I see you for dinner?"
How could I not agree. Rodney working on getting his old self back would be the best news. "Okay, Rodney. Good luck, guys."
So, I went and got into Lorne's hair again until he threw me out of my own office. Busted. Well, there was always War and Peace, or a comic book. The comic book won. I was so bored I even fell asleep. I only woke up because my stomach was growling.
When I reached the mess, the same foursome was at our table. But I really didn't mind. Besides, Rodney was really enjoying himself and – hey – I do like to see a happy Rodney, even if I'd prefer to see my own happy Rodney. For once I didn't feel like escaping, just sat back and watched them. We ended up staying there much longer than usual again.
Finally, Rodney looked at me and smiled. At me. Even though I'd been acting like a jerk for the last couple of days. "Come on, John. Let's go back to our quarters."
I may have strained something when I leaped out of my chair. "Hey, do you want to watch a movie?"
"As long as it isn't...." And then his smile slid away.
I could have sworn he would have said Back to the Future but, since he obviously associated the movie with me, he couldn't remember the title. Still, it was something that he wanted to spend some time with me. I gave him a reassuring smile. "Come on. I'm sure we'll find a movie we both like."
Rodney turned to our dinner companions and excused himself. Teyla wished us a pleasant evening. And Ronon just smirked. Bastard.
As we walked back to our quarters, we actually talked. I was worried about showing him something we'd already seen. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know why I was so nervous, especially about just watching something. I think I'd done a fine job of adjusting to whatever Rodney said or did, no matter how much it hurt me inside. So, I figured I'd deal.
When we got in, Rodney immediately pulled his laptop onto the bed, then began to strip. I was so shocked I couldn't do anything but stare. He just looked over at me and said, "Well, come on. Get comfortable."
My mouth must have been hanging open, so I shut it and obeyed the man. I stripped off my pants and shirt, leaving me in boxers and t-shirt. When I turned back to the bed, Rodney had propped the pillows behind his head and was waiting for me to join him. So I did. He clicked on a folder that contained the most recent shows off the last run of the Daedalus. I was surprised when he chose a late night HBO comedy special. But I leaned back and watched along with him. Rodney seemed to enjoy it. I think it was the fast talking and wit. I think Rodney just needed more words to fill up his brain, because he'd done so little work the last couple of days.
The show was two hours long. Afterwards, he put the laptop back on the desk and climbed back in bed, this time under the covers. So I followed his lead. At least tonight seemed more natural than last night. As I turned the lights off, he whispered, "Good night, John."
I whispered back, "Good night, Rodney. Sleep well." And I meant it.
Day 1
Fuck.
Morning.
It was happening again.
I felt Rodney's body pressed against my back.
I'd have to get away from him.
As my body tensed before I was about to move, I felt his hand grab my t-shirt more tightly. Fuck. Busted.
Rodney held on firmly. "Stay." I didn't move, but I was still nervous as hell. A moment later, he said, "Please, John. Stay."
Okay, okay, I'm not freaking out. Not if he isn't.
I let my body relax back onto the bed, back against him and heard him sigh. A few minutes his breathing evened out. And, no, I didn't creep out of bed. If he wanted me in it with him, then I was staying. And I slept, too.
When we both woke up, it was very late morning. I thought he'd be complaining about not having eaten. But he seemed very relaxed and almost proud of himself, as if he'd passed a test he'd set. I guess he had. And that deserved a reward from Colonel Grumpy, namely me. "Listen. Let me have a quick shower and then I'll grab us a picnic lunch. We could have it out on the pier."
The smile on his face was the only answer I needed. I headed off for my shower with a spring in my step. When I returned, Rodney was looking at some of my stuff. Nothing specific, just random browsing. "I was just--"
"It's okay buddy. We share lots of stuff."
He angled his head, as if considering what I'd said, then nodded. Okay, another sign of progress.
"So, listen. I'll stop by the mess to see what I can scrounge, then I'll swing back here to pick you up in about thirty."
And then I was off on my mission. While I was walking, I radioed Sam to see how the preparations for the party tonight were going. I wasn't supposed to help, because my job was to keep Rodney unaware of the whole thing. We confirmed a few minor details and then I got lunch. When the chefs heard that I wanted a picnic lunch for Rodney, they went all out. It choked me up. They even threw a red and white checked tablecloth into the basket. I was impressed, because they already had extra work for the party tonight, to make suitable refreshments and then to transport them.
When I returned, Rodney was waiting for me. He was wearing one of his more outrageous t-shirts and jeans. I had to swallow the lump in my throat. Because Rodney ... in those jeans ... should not be allowed out in public. But, hey, we were off duty. I just had to convince my dick that it was – temporarily, I hoped – off duty. Since my dick always responded to a hot Rodney, that wasn't an easy thing.
When we got to the pier, Rodney was excited to see what sorts of food I'd brought. I thought that was an interesting reaction, because he hadn't reacted to anything I'd brought before except for the blue jell-O. When we were stuffed, Rodney lay down on his back and closed his eyes. I figured what the hell and decided to take off my shirt. It was warm out and I didn't think Rodney would freak out in the daytime. He was already becoming more relaxed around me. I lay down on my front and pillowed my head on my arms. Through slitted eyes I watched Rodney look over at me, his eyes widening for a moment, then he closed them again while humming. Okay, that went well.
We must have dozed for about an hour. I didn't really want to leave, but I had things to do before the party. Which Rodney knew nothing about. So I slyly suggested he visit Radek to see if there had been any progress on figuring out the amnesia device. I told him I'd come and get him before dinner.
He went off to the labs while I returned the picnic stuff. And, then, I went for a run. Even though things with Rodney were improving, I still needed to get rid of some tension. After that, it was time to check if Lorne had started redecorating my office. Yes, of course I'm just kidding.
Back in our quarters, I stripped and had a really long shower. I hoped the party would be the thing that Rodney needed. Then I pulled out Rodney's clothes and laid them out on the bed, before getting dressed myself.
I was whistling as I headed toward the labs. When I got there, Rodney looked at me and turned red very quickly. Interesting reaction. I turned to Radek. "Sorry, but it's time for Rodney to get dressed for the party."
Rodney turned to me. "Party? What party?"
I pursed my lips. "Oh, it's a surprise," and then I pulled a squirming scientist by his shirt collar to the nearest transporter. Back in our quarters, I pushed him in the direction of the bathroom. "And don't forget to shave again."
He took one look at the clothes on the bed and glared at me, but picked them up and did as I asked.
It was worth the effort. When he came out, all I wanted to do was to rip them off his body. But I couldn't. And wouldn't. Not until I had my Rodney back.
I prolonged his curiosity by taking an indirect route to the party. Sam had chosen one of the hangers opening out onto a pier. So we had the comfort of indoors with the stars and sea outdoors. No decorations, just tablecloths on the tables and flowers from the mainland. We'd already decided not to do anything as hokey as yelling "Surprise" so everybody was just milling about, glass in hand, waiting for the guest of honor to arrive.
Well, he was here. Drinks were thrust into our hands as all assembled raised their glasses to Rodney. Yes, at first he seemed stunned, but then he just looked so ... happy. We'd never done anything like this before. The expedition was all about teamwork, not individual glory ... though there were so many who were heroes, even if not all of them had made it. But I couldn't let myself think of the lost ones, not tonight.
I let Rodney wander wherever he wanted to. I just followed behind, like a royal attendant. He was happy. He was animated. He was charming. He was showing the outside world what I'd been privileged to see in private. And, you know, I really didn't mind. I guess I was too pleased for him to still be Colonel Grumpy.
We finally made it over to the food tables, covered in chafing dishes and platters. We piled our plates high and then wondered where to sit. I noticed Sam gesturing to the largest round table in the center of the room. I guess that was a clue. What Sam had discreetly done was put name-cards at each place. She wanted Rodney to meet people he would normally not have contact with, from a night-shift baker to a steel welder to a cleaner. I was so proud of Rodney that he didn't make fun of anybody. I guess he reserved calling people morons to his own department. Or me, when he was pretending to be pissed at me.
After dinner, there was dancing. I guess that was Sam's idea as well. Of course, everybody wanted to dance with Rodney. At first, he looked at me, unsure, but I just waved my hand as if to shoo him away and smiled at him. That was the last I saw of him for most of the evening. He went from partner to partner. Everybody asked him to dance. Women. Men, even those who I'd presumed were straight. It was as if none of that mattered.
Whoever had done the music mix had done a great job. Not only current stuff but also stuff from around the world. A bunch of the Greek soldiers were doing their arm-in-arm dance with everybody standing around clapping and shouting "Opa". Then Radek got Teyla and Ronon to dance to some zany Klezmer stuff. Just a good time for everybody, even if I felt like the guy who'd brought the prettiest girl to the dance and ended up sitting all alone. But that was okay. I liked watching Rodney, especially because he wasn't aware of it.
I can't believe how quickly the time flew by before Sam was up announcing the last dance. I watched Rodney disengage from his current dance partner. He turned in my direction and held out his hand. I smiled, got up and sauntered toward him. When the music started, it was an Athosian song, with soft voices, bells and drums. He put his hands on my shoulders, so I had no choice but to put mine on his waist. And we just swayed. Teyla had told me the song was about the future and dreams. Hey, I didn't need music to tell me what I wanted.
I think Rodney was getting more than a clue. He whispered, "You made us wear our suits from the time we ... moved in together."
I whispered back, "Yeah, it seemed appropriate. Look, I hope you didn't feel pressured."
I smiled when I heard his soft reply. "No, it seemed kind of nice."
And then there were no more words until the music stopped. As we blinked and looked around us, everybody was clapping and wishing us a good night. Okay, I guess that was our cue to get out of there. So we left. We saw that everybody was staying behind, starting to clean up. That's the great thing about this expedition in this city. Whatever needed to get done got done. Nobody pulled rank. Lucky thing we'd managed to weed out the malcontents when we did.
I slung my arm around Rodney's shoulders as we walked back to our quarters. That seemed natural, too. When we got in, I was grabbing a clean t-shirt to slip into but Rodney caught my hand. "Forget it. I'm okay with--" and he waved at my upper body.
So we stripped in a comfortable silence and got into bed wearing just boxers. Even though I was lying at the extreme edge of the bed as per the last few nights, Rodney lay down in the middle and pulled me toward him, until I was facing him. I didn't know what to expect from him and was stunned when he leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. Then he drew his head back so he could look me in the eyes. "Thank you for everything, John. I may not remember, but I know you're a good man." There was a flash of a brilliant smile and a little contented hum before he closed his eyes.
I didn't move all night. I watched him for a long time until I fell asleep, finally worn out, but at least not from worry.
Day 2
When I woke up, I was still on my side facing Rodney. But he'd pushed his body back against mine, so I was curled around him, one arm around his waist. His hand clasped my hand gently. I guess he wanted to make sure I wouldn't leave him. No, no leaving here, buddy. You're stuck with me. After yesterday, I felt I could live with this Rodney, even if I never got the old one back. Hey, he was alive, he was still his usually brilliant self, how the hell could I complain. I had better than I'd ever had in my life. Better than my family. Better than Nancy. I had Rodney.
I stopped thinking when he started wriggling back against me. Bastard. I think this morning he knew exactly what he was doing to me. I growled at him.
I got a real shock when he hissed, "Oh, suck it up, Colonel. I know you need this and I want this."
No, no objection here. Besides, he sounded determined. It wasn't a good thing to go against a determined Rodney. And this was what he wanted. But I sat up anyway and dragged his body up too. "Shower. Now. Come on."
Rodney responded eagerly. He'd already slid out of his boxers, so I got a look at the ass I'd been missing. Only a few days, but I thought it might be forever. I jumped out of bed and ditched the boxers I hated to wear when I was sleeping.
And, then, the vision of just-naked Rodney in a steam-filled shower. He was already reaching out to grab me, but I stopped his hand. I needed to kiss him, I was so desperate. Sure, more was important, but I needed to devour him and to hold on to him as the force of the water plastered our hair against our skulls and scoured our skin. We were both gasping for breath as we broke apart.
And, then, with no hesitation, he took a hold of me. I groaned at the unfamiliar sensation. I don't remember Rodney ever touching me with such reverence, a look of wonder in his eyes. I braced my hands behind me on the wall and pushed forward, encouraging him. Not that he needed any. He got the message. His strokes were fast and hard – I knew I wouldn't need much. After all the frustration of the last few days, the worry, even the pathetic self-pity, I deserved this. This release – this connection to Rodney.
Too soon, I was shuddering, my bones skittering apart, then being reborn and rebuilt. All without a single sound from me.
When I opened my eyes again, Rodney was staring at me. Old Rodney would have looked smug. But new Rodney just looked happy – for me.
I could have easily sunk down onto my knees, but I wanted to watch him, see him responding to my every caress. My touch was more gentle; I had to remind myself that this Rodney had never felt my hand on him. His eyes were more black than blue. His mouth formed an expressive O. Oh, yeah, I knew that look.
I used every trick I could remember, I took advantage of knowing exactly what he liked. And I didn't feel any guilt, because – at least this time – I knew he wanted this. Very much.
A needy moan escaped through Rodney's lips. It wouldn't take long now. But I was worried because an orgasmic Rodney tended to forget he had legs. And the last thing we needed was to have Rodney end up in the infirmary with shower sex related injuries. So I grabbed a hold of his waist with my free hand, as I concentrated on getting him off.
He was rocking steadily into my hand and babbling. "John ... harder ... yes ... more ... please." These words were worth more to me than a planet full of ZPMs – and I didn't care if Rodney agreed with me or not.
I watched his eyelashes fluttering as he got closer and closer, before his eyes shot impossibly wide and he moaned my name in one long breath. "Jooooooooohn." Then came the expected slump, so I grabbed him with my slick hand and held him against my body.
Suddenly he looked at me sharply and I thought oh, shit, we shouldn't have done this.
But Rodney surprised me when he rattled out, "I've figured it out. I know what the problem is with the amnesia device. Those idiots were trying to achieve Ascension through a different method. I think I can reverse the process." And, then, for a second he looked unsure. "At least, I hope I can."
He was trying to untangle his body from mine, so I stepped aside and let him jump out of the shower. He was already hurrying into the bedroom, hastily drying himself off. Before Rodney even got to his uniform, he'd already grabbed his radio and was getting through to Zelenka. "No, I don't care how early it is. I think I've figured it out. No, I'm not going to waste time telling you when we can be working on it. If I'm not in the labs before you, then I want a pot of coffee waiting."
By the time I'd reached him, a towel around my waist, he was nearly dressed. He looked at me, his eyes shining with that innate genius, but overlaid with hope this time. "Sorry, John. There's nothing that I'd like more than to throw you on the bed and fuck you – um, I have fucked you, haven't I – oh, forget it, I would so, even if I didn't know how to do it, but I really have to get to the labs right now."
I grabbed his arms, because he'd reached the flailing stage. "Hey. I understand how important this is. This is your memory of our life. Just," and then I hesitated, "Just keep me informed. If you're about to do something brilliantly stupid, call me. I need to be there."
He nodded several times. "Okay, sure, I'll radio you."
As he rushed out the door, I heard him getting through to Zelenka again. His voice was cut off as the door slid closed.
I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't really want to get into anything like running. Rodney could need me, maybe in an hour, maybe six, but I didn't want to be more than a transporter away.
So I figured I'd update this journal, writing up the last two days and this morning.
The call didn't come until ten hours later, but John was there in minutes. Radek was running his hands through static-filled hair, arguing with Rodney. "But Rodney, you are sure this is final step? Perhaps we need to run another simulation."
Rodney snapped his fingers. "Yes, yes. I don't know how you can't see it, but then you never had the Ascension device accelerating your genius to god-like proportions. It's tied into the circuits we've already reversed, so the dampening effects on the brain should dissipate with the flick of the switch."
Then Rodney looked up, saw John and smiled. "Oh. John. Okay, I'm ready to try it."
John stared at him before asking, "You're sure about this?"
Rodney sighed before replying, "Yes, yes, my genius brain figured it out."
John blinked and then asked Rodney something else. "Do you miss Kavanagh?"
Rodney looked puzzled. "Who the hell is Kavanagh and why should I be missing him?"
John grinned. "Nobody, Rodney. He's nobody."
Rodney cocked his head before walking up to John and taking his hand. In a soft voice, he said, "I just want you to know, no matter what happens, that I love you. If I can go from not recognizing you to loving you in a few days, then I can imagine how I always loved you." And then he kissed John on the cheek.
Radek cleared his throat. "Rodney, if we are trying this, then we are doing it now. Otherwise, I am going back to bed."
Rodney shrugged his shoulders and sat back down, allowing Radek to place the headphones on his head. And then he looked at John and said, "See you on the other side."
John looked him squarely in the eyes and replied cheerfully, "Sure thing, buddy."
Rodney closed his eyes before flicking the switch while John held his breath.
There was nothing but silence in the room for many painfully long seconds. Rodney opened his eyes and stared at John.
Then he threw off the headphones, flinging them onto the ground. Radek flinched hearing them clatter against the floor. And then he shrugged.
Rodney was already at John's side. He cradled John's face between his hands. "I remember. I remember the before and the after. Oh," and then he was silent, "That means I can write another paper, at least for the SGC. Not that I know what the medical implications of the device would be, but still--"
Radek was busy edging toward the door of the lab. The last thing he heard was John growling, "Shut up, Rodney and kiss me."
There were only a couple of Marines who saw Radek hurrying away from the labs, muttering something about boyfriends and sex in public and other words that are better left to the imagination.
The Marines paused and then continued on with their patrol. It was, after all, just another quiet night in Atlantis. In the Pegasus Galaxy.
And that was always a very, very good thing.
END
AUTHOR: Helena K.
RATING: FRM-R (mild)
PAIRING: Rodney/John
DEDICATION: To McSheppers everywhere, all the time.
TOTAL WORD COUNT: 10,506 (split into two parts)
WARNING: Despite the despair, there is a happy ending.
SUMMARY: Rodney's not quite all there because of an accident with – what else – Ancient tech. John can't really do anything for him but wait. During the waiting comes the despair, writing and hoping.
TIMELINE: Anytime during S4, but definitely after Quarantine. AU because ... hello S5. And, yes, even though I know The Shrine was on a couple days ago and I used one line from it, I started writing this during S4, so I really wanted to finish this (especially in light of the proclamation). Also, originally, this was intended to be much longer and John was feeling much more angst to the extent that certain days in the Journal would have only had a one word entry. Yes, you guessed it: Fuck.
NOTE: "Speech"
All action outside of written text in John's Journal which is unbolded
Emphasis in John's Journal only
Emphasis in thought or speech, outside of the Journal
//Thought//
LANGUAGE CHOICE: As this is basically John's POV, I used American spelling.
DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to a whole bunch of alphabetical entities. I know the Polish alphabet. Not the same thing. Not for profit, just fun. Besides, I'm just an old geezer. Not the desired demographic. ::sneers at TPTB::
FEEDBACK: Makes me happy. Makes me giddy. Makes me silly (er, more silly). Makes me write more (well, my pain always tells the writing to go away, so you need to overwhelm its negativity; just saying...).
DISTRIBUTION: Posted to my LJ and
mckay_sheppard; anybody else, please ask.ARCHIVE: Wraithbait
Continued from Part 1: ”Rescuing Rodney”
Day 0
I can't believe I slept through the entire night. But that's how exhausted I was, even though we never went to bed right after dinner unless ... no I can't think about that. It's no wonder I was thinking in that direction because, when I was more fully awake, I was shocked to feel a warm body pressed against my back, a hand clutching my t-shirt. That felt so normal, so much like Rodney, that I was tempted to press back and wriggle my ass against his morning wood.
That would have been such a bad idea, so I forced it out of my head. As gently as possible, I loosened his fingers from my t-shirt and edged out of bed. Rodney didn't wake, but just murmured before sliding into my warm spot, spreading his legs and basically hogging the whole bed.
I grabbed my clothes for the day and went into the bathroom. Of course, now I was horny and frustrated but couldn't even consider jacking off. Somehow, it felt disrespectful. Of Rodney. Or us. Not that I hadn't done it on occasion when we were together ... or even in front of him as a turn-on, but this was different. So, I settled for a cold shower, got dressed and went back out.
Rodney was sitting up in bed, running his hand over his face. He didn't look too freaked out (I guess my getting out of bed was a good idea), but he did look confused. "John?"
"Hey, Rodney. Listen, why don't you meet me in the mess in about 30 minutes?" And, then, I was saved by Sam, on the radio. I listened for a minute before turning back to Rodney. "Look, Sam needs to see me, so I'll see you there. Okay?" It was a wonder the door opened quickly enough for me to escape.
Well, Sam saw me.
And ...
Fuck.
She just decided that the city needed to have a "We're glad you're okay, Rodney, party." And, would you believe it, a dance, too. Tomorrow. No alcohol, so that people could split their shifts to attend. And it had to be a surprise, so I would have to keep Rodney occupied even more. Luckily, the place Sam chose was not one that Rodney had ever visited, not that I knew, but at least I'd be able to keep him away from it so that people could decorate and arrange for food and stuff.
I'd never imagined that the new-and-improved Rodney would have made such a huge impact on everyone in the city. But he had. Everyone wanted to be around him. Except for me. Yes, I know. I've already established my credentials as a bastard, first class.
Anyway, I couldn't think about anything, as I figured Rodney would be in the mess already. I wasn't wrong. Teyla and Ronon were also there and Radek had joined Rodney. I noticed that Rodney had gotten his own food, so I concentrated on just getting something for myself before I joined them. Rodney looked up quickly, flushed. I decided to spare him and turned to Radek. "How's the diagnosis going on the amnesia machine, Radek?"
"Ah, Colonel, is not exactly amnesia machine. I believe memories are still there, only masked."
"So, that's a good thing, right?"
Well, that set Radek off which got Rodney going. I let their excited chatter wash over me, hoping that the nightmare would have a quick ending. At one point, Rodney stopped talking and looked at me. "Is it okay if I spend the morning with Radek? The two of us would probably get this whole thing solved if we worked together."
I nodded. "Sure thing, Rodney. I'll see you at lunch, then." I concentrated on finishing my breakfast, then announced to the entire table, "I think I'll see how Lorne's turning my paperwork into airplanes." Sure, I trusted Lorne, but I had to do something ... anything, and I was tired of just running around the city.
Then I came back to our quarters and decided it was finally time to start writing everything down in the journal, no matter how pissed off I was feeling. And, yes, it took me a few hours to start from the beginning, but at least I'm all caught up now.
When lunchtime came, I headed to the mess, but there was no Rodney and no Radek. So I radioed Rodney and heard a welcome sound. "Busy, now. Find somebody else."
I grabbed enough sandwiches and drinks for the three of us and headed over the lab where I found both men trying to analyze something in the database. Rodney looked up, acknowledged the food and then me. "Thanks for lunch. Listen, Radek found something that may give us a clue, but I don't want to stop. So, is it okay if I see you for dinner?"
How could I not agree. Rodney working on getting his old self back would be the best news. "Okay, Rodney. Good luck, guys."
So, I went and got into Lorne's hair again until he threw me out of my own office. Busted. Well, there was always War and Peace, or a comic book. The comic book won. I was so bored I even fell asleep. I only woke up because my stomach was growling.
When I reached the mess, the same foursome was at our table. But I really didn't mind. Besides, Rodney was really enjoying himself and – hey – I do like to see a happy Rodney, even if I'd prefer to see my own happy Rodney. For once I didn't feel like escaping, just sat back and watched them. We ended up staying there much longer than usual again.
Finally, Rodney looked at me and smiled. At me. Even though I'd been acting like a jerk for the last couple of days. "Come on, John. Let's go back to our quarters."
I may have strained something when I leaped out of my chair. "Hey, do you want to watch a movie?"
"As long as it isn't...." And then his smile slid away.
I could have sworn he would have said Back to the Future but, since he obviously associated the movie with me, he couldn't remember the title. Still, it was something that he wanted to spend some time with me. I gave him a reassuring smile. "Come on. I'm sure we'll find a movie we both like."
Rodney turned to our dinner companions and excused himself. Teyla wished us a pleasant evening. And Ronon just smirked. Bastard.
As we walked back to our quarters, we actually talked. I was worried about showing him something we'd already seen. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know why I was so nervous, especially about just watching something. I think I'd done a fine job of adjusting to whatever Rodney said or did, no matter how much it hurt me inside. So, I figured I'd deal.
When we got in, Rodney immediately pulled his laptop onto the bed, then began to strip. I was so shocked I couldn't do anything but stare. He just looked over at me and said, "Well, come on. Get comfortable."
My mouth must have been hanging open, so I shut it and obeyed the man. I stripped off my pants and shirt, leaving me in boxers and t-shirt. When I turned back to the bed, Rodney had propped the pillows behind his head and was waiting for me to join him. So I did. He clicked on a folder that contained the most recent shows off the last run of the Daedalus. I was surprised when he chose a late night HBO comedy special. But I leaned back and watched along with him. Rodney seemed to enjoy it. I think it was the fast talking and wit. I think Rodney just needed more words to fill up his brain, because he'd done so little work the last couple of days.
The show was two hours long. Afterwards, he put the laptop back on the desk and climbed back in bed, this time under the covers. So I followed his lead. At least tonight seemed more natural than last night. As I turned the lights off, he whispered, "Good night, John."
I whispered back, "Good night, Rodney. Sleep well." And I meant it.
Day 1
Fuck.
Morning.
It was happening again.
I felt Rodney's body pressed against my back.
I'd have to get away from him.
As my body tensed before I was about to move, I felt his hand grab my t-shirt more tightly. Fuck. Busted.
Rodney held on firmly. "Stay." I didn't move, but I was still nervous as hell. A moment later, he said, "Please, John. Stay."
Okay, okay, I'm not freaking out. Not if he isn't.
I let my body relax back onto the bed, back against him and heard him sigh. A few minutes his breathing evened out. And, no, I didn't creep out of bed. If he wanted me in it with him, then I was staying. And I slept, too.
When we both woke up, it was very late morning. I thought he'd be complaining about not having eaten. But he seemed very relaxed and almost proud of himself, as if he'd passed a test he'd set. I guess he had. And that deserved a reward from Colonel Grumpy, namely me. "Listen. Let me have a quick shower and then I'll grab us a picnic lunch. We could have it out on the pier."
The smile on his face was the only answer I needed. I headed off for my shower with a spring in my step. When I returned, Rodney was looking at some of my stuff. Nothing specific, just random browsing. "I was just--"
"It's okay buddy. We share lots of stuff."
He angled his head, as if considering what I'd said, then nodded. Okay, another sign of progress.
"So, listen. I'll stop by the mess to see what I can scrounge, then I'll swing back here to pick you up in about thirty."
And then I was off on my mission. While I was walking, I radioed Sam to see how the preparations for the party tonight were going. I wasn't supposed to help, because my job was to keep Rodney unaware of the whole thing. We confirmed a few minor details and then I got lunch. When the chefs heard that I wanted a picnic lunch for Rodney, they went all out. It choked me up. They even threw a red and white checked tablecloth into the basket. I was impressed, because they already had extra work for the party tonight, to make suitable refreshments and then to transport them.
When I returned, Rodney was waiting for me. He was wearing one of his more outrageous t-shirts and jeans. I had to swallow the lump in my throat. Because Rodney ... in those jeans ... should not be allowed out in public. But, hey, we were off duty. I just had to convince my dick that it was – temporarily, I hoped – off duty. Since my dick always responded to a hot Rodney, that wasn't an easy thing.
When we got to the pier, Rodney was excited to see what sorts of food I'd brought. I thought that was an interesting reaction, because he hadn't reacted to anything I'd brought before except for the blue jell-O. When we were stuffed, Rodney lay down on his back and closed his eyes. I figured what the hell and decided to take off my shirt. It was warm out and I didn't think Rodney would freak out in the daytime. He was already becoming more relaxed around me. I lay down on my front and pillowed my head on my arms. Through slitted eyes I watched Rodney look over at me, his eyes widening for a moment, then he closed them again while humming. Okay, that went well.
We must have dozed for about an hour. I didn't really want to leave, but I had things to do before the party. Which Rodney knew nothing about. So I slyly suggested he visit Radek to see if there had been any progress on figuring out the amnesia device. I told him I'd come and get him before dinner.
He went off to the labs while I returned the picnic stuff. And, then, I went for a run. Even though things with Rodney were improving, I still needed to get rid of some tension. After that, it was time to check if Lorne had started redecorating my office. Yes, of course I'm just kidding.
Back in our quarters, I stripped and had a really long shower. I hoped the party would be the thing that Rodney needed. Then I pulled out Rodney's clothes and laid them out on the bed, before getting dressed myself.
I was whistling as I headed toward the labs. When I got there, Rodney looked at me and turned red very quickly. Interesting reaction. I turned to Radek. "Sorry, but it's time for Rodney to get dressed for the party."
Rodney turned to me. "Party? What party?"
I pursed my lips. "Oh, it's a surprise," and then I pulled a squirming scientist by his shirt collar to the nearest transporter. Back in our quarters, I pushed him in the direction of the bathroom. "And don't forget to shave again."
He took one look at the clothes on the bed and glared at me, but picked them up and did as I asked.
It was worth the effort. When he came out, all I wanted to do was to rip them off his body. But I couldn't. And wouldn't. Not until I had my Rodney back.
I prolonged his curiosity by taking an indirect route to the party. Sam had chosen one of the hangers opening out onto a pier. So we had the comfort of indoors with the stars and sea outdoors. No decorations, just tablecloths on the tables and flowers from the mainland. We'd already decided not to do anything as hokey as yelling "Surprise" so everybody was just milling about, glass in hand, waiting for the guest of honor to arrive.
Well, he was here. Drinks were thrust into our hands as all assembled raised their glasses to Rodney. Yes, at first he seemed stunned, but then he just looked so ... happy. We'd never done anything like this before. The expedition was all about teamwork, not individual glory ... though there were so many who were heroes, even if not all of them had made it. But I couldn't let myself think of the lost ones, not tonight.
I let Rodney wander wherever he wanted to. I just followed behind, like a royal attendant. He was happy. He was animated. He was charming. He was showing the outside world what I'd been privileged to see in private. And, you know, I really didn't mind. I guess I was too pleased for him to still be Colonel Grumpy.
We finally made it over to the food tables, covered in chafing dishes and platters. We piled our plates high and then wondered where to sit. I noticed Sam gesturing to the largest round table in the center of the room. I guess that was a clue. What Sam had discreetly done was put name-cards at each place. She wanted Rodney to meet people he would normally not have contact with, from a night-shift baker to a steel welder to a cleaner. I was so proud of Rodney that he didn't make fun of anybody. I guess he reserved calling people morons to his own department. Or me, when he was pretending to be pissed at me.
After dinner, there was dancing. I guess that was Sam's idea as well. Of course, everybody wanted to dance with Rodney. At first, he looked at me, unsure, but I just waved my hand as if to shoo him away and smiled at him. That was the last I saw of him for most of the evening. He went from partner to partner. Everybody asked him to dance. Women. Men, even those who I'd presumed were straight. It was as if none of that mattered.
Whoever had done the music mix had done a great job. Not only current stuff but also stuff from around the world. A bunch of the Greek soldiers were doing their arm-in-arm dance with everybody standing around clapping and shouting "Opa". Then Radek got Teyla and Ronon to dance to some zany Klezmer stuff. Just a good time for everybody, even if I felt like the guy who'd brought the prettiest girl to the dance and ended up sitting all alone. But that was okay. I liked watching Rodney, especially because he wasn't aware of it.
I can't believe how quickly the time flew by before Sam was up announcing the last dance. I watched Rodney disengage from his current dance partner. He turned in my direction and held out his hand. I smiled, got up and sauntered toward him. When the music started, it was an Athosian song, with soft voices, bells and drums. He put his hands on my shoulders, so I had no choice but to put mine on his waist. And we just swayed. Teyla had told me the song was about the future and dreams. Hey, I didn't need music to tell me what I wanted.
I think Rodney was getting more than a clue. He whispered, "You made us wear our suits from the time we ... moved in together."
I whispered back, "Yeah, it seemed appropriate. Look, I hope you didn't feel pressured."
I smiled when I heard his soft reply. "No, it seemed kind of nice."
And then there were no more words until the music stopped. As we blinked and looked around us, everybody was clapping and wishing us a good night. Okay, I guess that was our cue to get out of there. So we left. We saw that everybody was staying behind, starting to clean up. That's the great thing about this expedition in this city. Whatever needed to get done got done. Nobody pulled rank. Lucky thing we'd managed to weed out the malcontents when we did.
I slung my arm around Rodney's shoulders as we walked back to our quarters. That seemed natural, too. When we got in, I was grabbing a clean t-shirt to slip into but Rodney caught my hand. "Forget it. I'm okay with--" and he waved at my upper body.
So we stripped in a comfortable silence and got into bed wearing just boxers. Even though I was lying at the extreme edge of the bed as per the last few nights, Rodney lay down in the middle and pulled me toward him, until I was facing him. I didn't know what to expect from him and was stunned when he leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. Then he drew his head back so he could look me in the eyes. "Thank you for everything, John. I may not remember, but I know you're a good man." There was a flash of a brilliant smile and a little contented hum before he closed his eyes.
I didn't move all night. I watched him for a long time until I fell asleep, finally worn out, but at least not from worry.
Day 2
When I woke up, I was still on my side facing Rodney. But he'd pushed his body back against mine, so I was curled around him, one arm around his waist. His hand clasped my hand gently. I guess he wanted to make sure I wouldn't leave him. No, no leaving here, buddy. You're stuck with me. After yesterday, I felt I could live with this Rodney, even if I never got the old one back. Hey, he was alive, he was still his usually brilliant self, how the hell could I complain. I had better than I'd ever had in my life. Better than my family. Better than Nancy. I had Rodney.
I stopped thinking when he started wriggling back against me. Bastard. I think this morning he knew exactly what he was doing to me. I growled at him.
I got a real shock when he hissed, "Oh, suck it up, Colonel. I know you need this and I want this."
No, no objection here. Besides, he sounded determined. It wasn't a good thing to go against a determined Rodney. And this was what he wanted. But I sat up anyway and dragged his body up too. "Shower. Now. Come on."
Rodney responded eagerly. He'd already slid out of his boxers, so I got a look at the ass I'd been missing. Only a few days, but I thought it might be forever. I jumped out of bed and ditched the boxers I hated to wear when I was sleeping.
And, then, the vision of just-naked Rodney in a steam-filled shower. He was already reaching out to grab me, but I stopped his hand. I needed to kiss him, I was so desperate. Sure, more was important, but I needed to devour him and to hold on to him as the force of the water plastered our hair against our skulls and scoured our skin. We were both gasping for breath as we broke apart.
And, then, with no hesitation, he took a hold of me. I groaned at the unfamiliar sensation. I don't remember Rodney ever touching me with such reverence, a look of wonder in his eyes. I braced my hands behind me on the wall and pushed forward, encouraging him. Not that he needed any. He got the message. His strokes were fast and hard – I knew I wouldn't need much. After all the frustration of the last few days, the worry, even the pathetic self-pity, I deserved this. This release – this connection to Rodney.
Too soon, I was shuddering, my bones skittering apart, then being reborn and rebuilt. All without a single sound from me.
When I opened my eyes again, Rodney was staring at me. Old Rodney would have looked smug. But new Rodney just looked happy – for me.
I could have easily sunk down onto my knees, but I wanted to watch him, see him responding to my every caress. My touch was more gentle; I had to remind myself that this Rodney had never felt my hand on him. His eyes were more black than blue. His mouth formed an expressive O. Oh, yeah, I knew that look.
I used every trick I could remember, I took advantage of knowing exactly what he liked. And I didn't feel any guilt, because – at least this time – I knew he wanted this. Very much.
A needy moan escaped through Rodney's lips. It wouldn't take long now. But I was worried because an orgasmic Rodney tended to forget he had legs. And the last thing we needed was to have Rodney end up in the infirmary with shower sex related injuries. So I grabbed a hold of his waist with my free hand, as I concentrated on getting him off.
He was rocking steadily into my hand and babbling. "John ... harder ... yes ... more ... please." These words were worth more to me than a planet full of ZPMs – and I didn't care if Rodney agreed with me or not.
I watched his eyelashes fluttering as he got closer and closer, before his eyes shot impossibly wide and he moaned my name in one long breath. "Jooooooooohn." Then came the expected slump, so I grabbed him with my slick hand and held him against my body.
Suddenly he looked at me sharply and I thought oh, shit, we shouldn't have done this.
But Rodney surprised me when he rattled out, "I've figured it out. I know what the problem is with the amnesia device. Those idiots were trying to achieve Ascension through a different method. I think I can reverse the process." And, then, for a second he looked unsure. "At least, I hope I can."
He was trying to untangle his body from mine, so I stepped aside and let him jump out of the shower. He was already hurrying into the bedroom, hastily drying himself off. Before Rodney even got to his uniform, he'd already grabbed his radio and was getting through to Zelenka. "No, I don't care how early it is. I think I've figured it out. No, I'm not going to waste time telling you when we can be working on it. If I'm not in the labs before you, then I want a pot of coffee waiting."
By the time I'd reached him, a towel around my waist, he was nearly dressed. He looked at me, his eyes shining with that innate genius, but overlaid with hope this time. "Sorry, John. There's nothing that I'd like more than to throw you on the bed and fuck you – um, I have fucked you, haven't I – oh, forget it, I would so, even if I didn't know how to do it, but I really have to get to the labs right now."
I grabbed his arms, because he'd reached the flailing stage. "Hey. I understand how important this is. This is your memory of our life. Just," and then I hesitated, "Just keep me informed. If you're about to do something brilliantly stupid, call me. I need to be there."
He nodded several times. "Okay, sure, I'll radio you."
As he rushed out the door, I heard him getting through to Zelenka again. His voice was cut off as the door slid closed.
I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't really want to get into anything like running. Rodney could need me, maybe in an hour, maybe six, but I didn't want to be more than a transporter away.
So I figured I'd update this journal, writing up the last two days and this morning.
The call didn't come until ten hours later, but John was there in minutes. Radek was running his hands through static-filled hair, arguing with Rodney. "But Rodney, you are sure this is final step? Perhaps we need to run another simulation."
Rodney snapped his fingers. "Yes, yes. I don't know how you can't see it, but then you never had the Ascension device accelerating your genius to god-like proportions. It's tied into the circuits we've already reversed, so the dampening effects on the brain should dissipate with the flick of the switch."
Then Rodney looked up, saw John and smiled. "Oh. John. Okay, I'm ready to try it."
John stared at him before asking, "You're sure about this?"
Rodney sighed before replying, "Yes, yes, my genius brain figured it out."
John blinked and then asked Rodney something else. "Do you miss Kavanagh?"
Rodney looked puzzled. "Who the hell is Kavanagh and why should I be missing him?"
John grinned. "Nobody, Rodney. He's nobody."
Rodney cocked his head before walking up to John and taking his hand. In a soft voice, he said, "I just want you to know, no matter what happens, that I love you. If I can go from not recognizing you to loving you in a few days, then I can imagine how I always loved you." And then he kissed John on the cheek.
Radek cleared his throat. "Rodney, if we are trying this, then we are doing it now. Otherwise, I am going back to bed."
Rodney shrugged his shoulders and sat back down, allowing Radek to place the headphones on his head. And then he looked at John and said, "See you on the other side."
John looked him squarely in the eyes and replied cheerfully, "Sure thing, buddy."
Rodney closed his eyes before flicking the switch while John held his breath.
There was nothing but silence in the room for many painfully long seconds. Rodney opened his eyes and stared at John.
Then he threw off the headphones, flinging them onto the ground. Radek flinched hearing them clatter against the floor. And then he shrugged.
Rodney was already at John's side. He cradled John's face between his hands. "I remember. I remember the before and the after. Oh," and then he was silent, "That means I can write another paper, at least for the SGC. Not that I know what the medical implications of the device would be, but still--"
Radek was busy edging toward the door of the lab. The last thing he heard was John growling, "Shut up, Rodney and kiss me."
There were only a couple of Marines who saw Radek hurrying away from the labs, muttering something about boyfriends and sex in public and other words that are better left to the imagination.
The Marines paused and then continued on with their patrol. It was, after all, just another quiet night in Atlantis. In the Pegasus Galaxy.
And that was always a very, very good thing.
END
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Definitely. It was all about strong emotions and hating and loathing Kavanagh would make Rodney forget him. As I've called K. in my Romeo & Juliet rewrite a weasel, I stand behind my judgment of his character.
But thanks for stepping in.
Giggles and hugs,
H.
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It's really a great story!
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So, please, let go of the trauma. It was not my intent to cause you ::shudders:: such awful consequences.
And, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Just forget you even saw the K word.
Giggles and hugs,
H.
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Anyway, if I may be so indulgent as to pimp myself (and I always laugh when I read that, because it does sound very silly), I wrote a cute and romantic adaptation of Romeo & Juliet (with a happy ending) starring OUR boys for
Go. Read. Enjoy!
Giggles and hugs,
H.
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Giggles,
H.
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As for John's sense of loss, self-pity and conflict, I originally intended for the condition to be prolonged (and for John to be really, really pissed off), but I just couldn't write it, especially not after The Shrine. And I thought what would be the most devastating for John, personally, without diminishing Rodney's giant intellect. Having Rodney fall in love with him all over again ... well, that gem came to me in the middle of the night.
::blushes:: Oops, now I've told you my sekrit!
Warm and fuzzy hugs,
H.
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My work here is done.
I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. It ended up being a fun process (not at all like my original plot which was depressing even me). Besides, our boys deserve all the love they can get. Especially now more than ever. ::hisses at TPTB::
Beaming hugs,
H.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I'm glad you liked it. After all, I'm just trying to keep the void in my heart from growing bigger (because of the ridiculous decisions made by TPTB). So, I'll just be in my little corner writing the McShep.
Determined hugs,
H.
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But just be grateful that I didn't make the amnesia process as long as I'd intended to. John wouldn't have been merely eliciting pity, he would probably have been miserable and semi-suicidal from hopelessness.
The inner gentleman I believe is a default for John (where he always allowed others to have what they wanted and never admitted - even to himself - what he deserved to have). In this case, he would have been content even if Rodney had never remembered their past, as long as there was just a hint of a chance that they could have a future together. In John's philosophy of "leave no one behind" - he was the one who would ultimately sacrifice (i.e. leave behind) his own happiness. But, ::sighs in relief:: it's a good thing he didn't have to.
Thank you again for visiting one of my other fics. And, um, liking it.
::giggles and runs away::
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Thanks for reccing this, I really really liked it!
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Anyway, I'm tickled pink that you liked it!! Thank you!!!
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Thank you for reccing this - wonderful job of portraying the inner-workings of John through the journal entries. I loved that even with the changes wrought in Rodney's personality / memories with the device, that they were both able to work a way back to each other - different & yet the same.
Thank you, also for sharing this! :)
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I'm thrilled that you liked it (even if I was doing the, er, pimping). It's interesting to look back at it especially with the knowledge of what these two men meant to each other in canon (cue the usual suspects: Doppleganger, Quarantine, Last Man, The Shrine) and that, at least in my story, John - having committed himself to Rodney - would do ANYTHING to get him back ... but would also accept if he had to woo him all over again, if that was the only option.
God, can you tell how much I miss this show?????????
At least we can still share all the goodness and creativity that hasn't let up in THIS fandom. So, I'm glad you asked ... and I still have all those other lovely recs to read.