Helenka, Queen of Outer Space

Forgot all about this until I saw people posting (mostly their writing stats).

Well, my writing stat (yes, singular) was ONE fic, written for the SGA... Ten Years Later Fest. Mind you, I'm very proud of the story I wrote ("Comic Book Confidential") not only from the perspective of writing a complex story but also of growth in awareness, education and – above all – compassion when it comes to trans people and issues. I cringe when I think back more than two decades and remember how clueless (and callous) I was. Let's just call that anti-nostalgic. The other good thing about the fic is that it forced me to learn how to post on AO3.

I lost two people last year: Paul, a friend and lover from four decades ago, and Drew, a fellow congregant whose mellifluous Japanese scripture reading will have to live on solely in my memories. I'm still having a hard time dealing with both losses.

As for personal stability, I resolved the tiny tremor in my housing situation. I'm thrilled to remain in this neighbourhood, just wish the stairs were less of a ... challenge. But, as compensation, I love having two cats to adore.

My health has actually improved. I read an article today tailored to women about unexpected cancer signs. The only one that might have applied to me was persistent cough. Luckily, I'd already dealt with that problem in 2013 and, not only am I cough-free, my sinuses are clear most of the time. There's just the stubborn persistence of pain behind the blind eye and I wonder whether the two operations meant a pain receptor in the brain was activated. Brain be weird, dontcha know. But, then, it's MY brain.

Another area of improvement is sleep. I can't believe how well I'm sleeping nowadays. I used to use the time waiting for sleep to grab me by writing my story dialogues in my head. Now I just fall asleep and – mostly – stay asleep all night long. Considering that I'll be an old person officially in June, I feel this is an excellent prognosis for retention!

So ... what are my goals for 2015?

You just know I'm going to say WRITE MOAR. Lots and lots. I just have to totally settle down. I still have personal papers to go through (I feel my eyelids fluttering from eye strain) and decisions to make. Plus organizing my closet. Didn't get a chance to when I moved, so everything's a bit disorganized. I've found that I tend to fulfill personal obligations when my living space is serene.

I want to work out with my weights, but have to devise a way to hold them without causing more pain or damage to my fingers. Wonder if I could combine my Isotoner winter gloves with velcro straps.

When summer comes, I want to start exploring the local parks, also to go down to the lake on my own using regular transit. Jan tells me a nearby bus will take me exactly where I want to go. Didn't know it diverted. But yay. I want to start getting together with friends more often. That's always a very good goal.

I would like to buy a couple of luxury items because, you should know by now, when I get something stuck in my head it just won't dislodge itself ... and I won't make it!

So, that's my 2014 synopsis and hopes for 2015. I'm crossing my fingers for only good things in my life's Inbox!

::sighs:: Wish I could, but that image is celluloid history.

So, what's this about butts? Well, mine hurts because I was on it for far too long today. I had my brush with bureaucracy - but FIRST there was this little bit of reality of actually getting to see my case worker. I was supposed to be picked up by another "B" word (bus) at 12:50. Even though it was cool-ish out, I went to sit at the corner of the lane. And sat. And sat. And saaaaat. Thirty minutes went by - the minimum before I can inquire/complain. So the dispatcher said the bus is "really close to me". Usually that means it's not. But I went back up the lane. It finally showed up at 1:40 - and my appointment was for 2:00. Luckily I was the only passenger and the driver delivered me at 1:50. Whew. I saw my assigned case worker (she'd been ill the last time and her replacement was SO not pleasant). She was happy to have all of the documentation at her end for when I submit my completed disability application. And I told her I'm hard at work completing my yadda yadda gobbledy-gook I forget the official name self-report form (which I can't even see to read). So it was a very positive meeting and was over far before the 1 hour estimate. After that I waited, but at least I didn't have to worry about being late for anything. When the bus showed up, it was driven by an old fave and he got me home in mere minutes, even though it was after 4.

He dropped me off at the Filipino place and I ordered a feast. I got the blood sausage, menudo (a tripe dish), a whole small deep-fried fish, rice and rice noodles, along with a mango juice. Tony was very sweet and we spent a few minutes talking. It turns out either the owner (the visiting nurse) or another family member also collects used medical aids (such as wheelchairs, etc.) for Doctors Without Borders, fills a container with them and sends them overseas. You know, it brings tears to my eyes to know that - amid all the greed and self-promotion - there are people who direct their love and efforts towards those who have so much less.

Anyway, enough philosophy. I scurried home with my semi-expensive feast (oops, it was $17). I ate the whole fish: it had the consistency of Polish eel and I liked the salty crust. I also gobbled the rice noodles that had strips of carrot and peppers, probably other veggies, too. I sampled the blood sausage that was nothing like the Polish version. As was the menudo. So I may have to blot the excess oiliness from the blood sausage before adding to scrambled eggs. And I'll add freshly ground black pepper to the menudo to give it a more Polish flavour.

After I'd glutted myself to stupefaction (hee!), I had a lovely nap. Though my butt still hurts as I haven't regained the right way to sit in front of my computer. I guess my butt lacks ... memory. So, after I finish my mango juice, I believe I will slide back into bed. Because I deserve a fabulous sleep, yes I do!

Though I did get off to a rocky start. Yes, I pulled a bedraggled self into bed last night at a totally ridiculously early hour and slept ... for a bit. Then I woke up after midnight, not able to breathe. So I got out of bed and fooled around on the 'puter for a couple of hours. Finally ... back to bed. This time I managed to sleep for the remainder of the night. Yay.

It was supposed to be hot but, when I went outside around 5:45 to wait for Brian, there was a delightful breeze, so I felt fabulous. Brian showed up at 6:15 and we were off on our wee adventure. We both needed something at Canadian Tire. What did I buy? A pine toilet seat! Let's hope this one keeps its hinges. ::sighs:: Then we were off to McDonald's because we both had coupons. I got the 2-can-dine special and saved half of it for a lunchtime treat tomorrow.

We had time to talk and I expressed how disheartened I felt at the prospect of having to leave his place late-ish every Thursday (also mentioning how draining it is to deal with the pain) and suggested we meet only every two weeks. I hate the thought of not seeing him as often, though he's thinking we can go exploring on the off weeks without visiting his place. There are all sorts of hidden treasures in our part of the city (bakeries, a seafoodmonger, etc.). OTOH, he's already discussed changing the format of the show, with less food purchasing, prepping and cooking for him and MUCH more vivacious talking between the two of us. I also suggested we film one episode with each of us on the recliners at either end of his sofa, with food and drink on the seat between us. As it's the humour of our interaction that works the best, we have to highlight that. But I guess we can talk about that for the next 4 weeks, as we'll be having sammidges each Thursday at Humber Bay Park (with free parking, TYVM).

What with the talking and stuff, I didn't get home until later than normal. And then I presented John with the brand new toilet seat. Ta-da! Though I was able to unscrew the old one, I made him seat this one, 'cuz he had to find a screwdriver. He'd also picked up some cherries for me, so now I have the superior Canadian ones and the Grade B ones from Washington state.

I'm about ready to fall into bed. My biggest goal for tomorrow is to see whether I can muster enough energy to get that pedicure I've been postponing. I really, really should - because I know I'll feel fabulous. But it's supposed to be a semi-scorcher. Oh, decisions, decisions.

I got in some more lovely sleep, so that is always good.

What was bad was reading an e-mail from a stranger after midnight. It was about my church friend BD who was admitted to hospital yesterday evening. It's the place where I had surgery last year. So I posted the info in my FB and e-mailed my team leader who's also a deacon. He replied this morning and said he'd get the word out. Later I received an e-mail from my fave deacon about BD. I'd love to visit him, but it's so impractical for me to do so (what with the heat and my ultra-swollen feet). So all I can do is hope and pray for him.

I managed to have a tiny nap in the afternoon despite the heat. Always good. And I watched a couple of S2 episodes of Glee. At least it's a distraction. And I've just caught up on SLOG, leaving ell-jay as the neglected one ... again. I sorry. I'll try to catch up tomorrow if I can cool off.

Something else that is bad (and kinda dorky) is that I didn't realize that the wind gusts that had been pushing my blinds in had damaged my cast iron replica of the Enterprise. I told you it was dorky. It was suspended by an eye that broke off. So I may be forced to try to hang it off of something high up using fishing line. ::sighs:: Or think of somewhere else I could display it. ::sighs some more at the random nature of stupid accidents::

Anyway, I guess I and my swollen feet are headed back to bed. And that's usually a good thing.

Definitely one of the oddest Christmas Eve-Day combos I've had in a very long time.

Okay, so I'm noting stuff that happened for my own records. If anybody is brave enough to click past the cut, well ... enter at your own risk of reading lots and lots aaaaaaand lots.

( Christmas Eve was all kinds of magical for the blonde. )Anyway, yay for getting home even though it meant the end of a wonderful evening. I wished my church family brothers a Merry Christmas. It was 12:45. When I came in, I stayed up for a while to unwind. I had some water and leftover chocolate. I didn't go to sleep until 2:30 but fell asleep like an angel along with the piggies and the lit tree and garland.

This is your special snowflake, Helenka, about to dash out into the cold (well, only a couple of seconds), off to Roy Thompson Hall for our 22nd annual Christmas Eve service at that location. For some reason, I believe that this year will be more significant than even the first one was.

Anyway, I'm almost out the door (and I'm even smuggling someone special). ::listens to muffled piggly giggles from inside my red felt snowflake tote::

For those who celebrate tonight, have a serene and joyous occasion. And, for everyone, have a safe and happy evening. I'll talk to you tomorrow ... and NONE of this early tomorrow business, either.

BTW, I'm so glad I write down dorky things, such as the jewellery I'm wearing. Because, when I checked back to last year, I promptly went and changed what I'd chosen. Can't repeat it twice!

Happy!
Happy!
Joy!
Joy!

It's 6:30 a.m.? Eeeeeeek. So not a user-friendly time of the day, especially when one has dragged one's self to bed at 1:30. ::sighs::

But I got up. And had a sturdy brekkie, namely Tourtière pork pie with peas and corn adorned with bits of green and red peppers. I haven't had this since the beginning of the year and absence has not made the heart grow fonder. So I doubt I'll order it again. But, then again, it was Hot. Food.

I did a pretty good makeup but the hair was a wreck. On went my jaunty black beret. I wore my navy with white polka dots float, but no jewellery, as this was @ church but not church. Yes, there's a difference.

I went downstairs around 9 and my back-seat pewmate John arrived a couple minutes later. When he stopped for gas, he asked if I wanted anything at Timmy's and I gratefully replied "hot chocolate and a chocolate glazed donut". Oh, I really needed that fix!

We arrived at church in the middle of brekkie, so I snagged a table at the front with my teammate from the last congregational forum. Then I went and got fresh fruit salad (loads of grapes), a glass of OJ, a mini yogurt and a blueberry muffin. Okay, I think that should get me through the morning without a faceplant.

At the break I grabbed more fruit salad. The meeting this time was so full of hope, so many ideas flowing, it was extremely gratifying. And I found it really easy to express myself on paper (a rare occurrence, I assure you), so I was finished with the writing exercises very quickly. We originally had four at our table but kept getting snagged with voting stalemates. When our fourth disappeared, it was a lot easier to refine and reduce our choices.

Lunch was a simple rigatone with beef, salad (I chose Caesar dressing), and a Coke (a treat, or am I just continuing the sugar/caffeine fix). We shared so many of our ideas throughout the day and it was exciting just to be there. We seem to be experiencing a renewed sense of hope and optimism for the future and that is indeed a wonderful thing. Brent reaffirmed the church's intention to continue its commitment to "transparency". And he honestly addressed the issue of his eventual retirement (even though there are many people who want him to be there forever). He – and we – were very moved by his closing speech. Yeah, I had tears in my eyes. After he closed in prayer, he said we had to hug (or shake hands with) at least three people. Well, with only three at our table, I'd be one short, so I immediately hugged him. Yay!

We ended at 3 and I made it outside in a few minutes. BD was chatting with friends, so I went and sat at the corner to look for our (shared) minivan. It was a few minutes late, but I didn't mind. It was still warm; the sun had been beaming all day. The driver picked up another passenger whose destination was near our neighbourhoods. The sun continued to lead the way as we made our way home.

I arrived exactly at 4 and made my way upstairs to be greeted with my blinds pulled to their uppermost position and an open window and still sun. Mind you, sunset came very quickly. Oh – and a bunch of vocal cats, as John still hadn't returned home. When he did, a couple of hours later, we chatted and exchanged news of our days.

Even though I'd certainly had more than enough to eat during the day (and my tablemate had packed away a couple of desserts from the afternoon break when I was much too full, but am eating them now), I heated a second entrée in the evening, the Turkey with gravy, stuffing, cranberries, mashed potatoes and peas. It wasn't bad (and the quality had improved for the turkey itself), but I doubt I'll have it again.

Still, its released amino acids did the trick. At 8 p.m., I was barely keeping my eyes open so decided on a nap. Even though the phone woke me up (with ride times for tomorrow), I fell back asleep very easily. Right now I'm just hanging on long enough to press Post, though I really should send an e-mail to my tablemate tonight. But will it be in English, or at least English that makes sense?

Anyway, that was my productive and very happy day. I hope you had a good day, too!

And, oh, she is.

The sun moved into Gemini today (according to John when I asked) and I enjoyed the most incredible day in years.

I woke up to the alarm at 7, as I still had stuff to do before the Occupational Therapist arrived at 10. So I hung up my clothes in the closet, vacuumed the floor and re-arranged my array of meds neatly. But I got really hot hurrying. The OT arrived a couple of minutes past 10 and I let her in and we proceeded to my room where she got to sit in the comfy recliner that had No. Clothes. On. It. She spent 45 minutes doing a safety assessment and asking me all sorts of questions. And then she offered me help which I accepted with overwhelming gratitude. So I'll be getting a brand new more comfy walker (tailored to my height ... or lack thereof) and other assistive devices. She's planning to return one week from today.

After she left, I got a call from the community centre next door. I gave them Brian's phone number as my emergency contact (as my file was missing that detail). A little later on, they called again and - despite the previously mentioned waiting list for an in-home assessment - can see me ::gasps in astonishment:: NEXT Tuesday morning. Whoa! Talk about a convergence of helpful agencies. Only problem is that I'm seeing my GP Tuesday morning, but confirmed Tuesday afternoon is okay. I'm just floored to see how many wonderful things are happening precisely because of the operation. Which makes me giggle, as I replied to G's e-mail which said I should "stay the hell away from hospitals". But, G, it's the best thing that has happened to me for a long time. No, of course, the pain I've endured for the last year has been grotesque, but what a way to fix it and then some.

I was really happy about the outcome of the morning. Though the threatened rain held off and I really do need a pedicure, I decided to be sensible and stay home resting, so that I can be all cheerful when Brian and I set off on our adventure. So I rested. And was bored. Even food was an afterthought. An omelette for brekkie. Gummi bears for lunch. Yes, I know. So nutritious NOT. And a 'nana and ice cream for dinner (well, after a romaine heart and two tomatoes). Eventually I had a most-needed nap. When I woke up at 8, I actually thought it was tomorrow morning. Silly me. John was tidying up the balcony and playing with plants. We had a bit of a chat and I brought him up to date with the wonders of today. Again, yay.

Anyway, I'm getting ready to go to sleep. I really need to be fully rested if Brian's going to be dragging me all over the island. ::rolls eyes:: Well, you'll read ALL about it tomorrow. A most serene nighty-night after a day filled with gratitude.

I entered the Chevrolet Canada contest to win tickets to the Toronto performance by the Glee cast. Okay, time to cross my fingers and keep them crossed. No matter what! Yes, of course, I'm a fanatic!!!!!

Ack. I hate the uncertainty of typing something while not knowing whether or not it will post. Talk about a leap of faith (which is why I have none and have prepared this in a word doc; 'cuz me no fool).

Sooooo, I was up around 7 (couldn't last until the alarm at 8). After a decadent brekkie (a few thousand calories in John's leftover Belgian chocolate mousse cake), I lollygagged most of the morning away (including having my luxurious omelette/bacon and sliced tomatoes on special multi-grain bread for lunch) and then had to get sorta, kinda serious about my schedule. Why? Oh, my minivan was going to show up in less than 60 minutes and I hadn't jumped in the shower yet!!! And I hadn't chosen what to wear either. It wasn't warm out, so I still can't graduate from my winter coat. I wore my leggings, socks, sandals (for the first time this year), my calf-length tunic, my sparkly black top and my black wool jacket. No jewellery. And I had on my teen-look high ponytail hairpiece. ::giggles:: You'd never guess how old I really am in it.

( Helenka's adventures at a new hospital )After that, I had tons more forms to complete and made it downstairs with about two minutes to spare. No minivan in sight, but it did show up shortly. ::sighs in relief:: When I got home, I didn't have much of a turnaround time as Brian would be showing up to pick me up shortly. He arrived at 5:20 and we were off. No filming and a really simple dinner (for simple people like us!), namely baked beans on toast. We talked about a whole bunch of stuff like the show, a breakdown of stats of viewers, future plans. We're going to be raiding his cupboards for next week's show (and I've already chosen the ingredients).

Because dinner had been so quick, Brian suggested we go for walkies (which he encouraged me to do when dinner was a regular thing at my place ... so we've missed that aspect). Most of the city was envelopped in fog. We visited the garden (which, obviously, isn't much fun when it's cold). I tried out a park bench (for future reference). Then we went up to the party room terrace of the building adjoining Brian's and walked around. Brian took some stunning piccies with his cellphone camera of the sunset, fog, lake and downtown. After that we looked into the gym where Brian was excited to see new equipment. We sat for a few minutes and then he escorted me to the concierge. My cab driver showed up ... at the wrong entrance, so the concierge made him move. I was home around 8:15 and very happy. And relieved, as always.

I've been in a unsettled place, what with LJ cutting in and out. I'm sure most of you know exactly how I feel. Wait. Let's upgrade that to aggravated! I think I should find something to do for the next hour to try to calm down. Perhaps an epi of TV would help. So, until tomorrow, only happy dreams for everyone. Ciao, tutti!