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helenkacan Dec. 25th, 2008 11:05 pm)
helenkacan Dec. 25th, 2008 11:05 pm)TITLE: “Before and Forever”
AUTHOR: Helena K.
RATING: FRT / PG13
PAIRINGS: John Sheppard/OMC, mention of John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
CHARACTERS: John Sheppard, Brin (Rodney McKay)
DEDICATION: Merry Christmas '08 to my chosen baby brother, Brian.
WORD COUNT: 2,323 words
WARNING: M/M slash relationship
SUMMARY: John comes to in unfamiliar surroundings, yet perhaps not.
TIMELINE: Post S5, AU Futurefic (how future – just keep reading)
NOTE: “Speech”
Emphasis
//Thoughts//
DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to the SciFi Network and a whole bunch of alphabetical entities (or should I say belonged?). I know the Polish alphabet. Not the same thing. Not for profit, just fun.
DISTRIBUTION: Posted to my LJ, cross-posted to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
mckay_sheppard and atlantis_slash; anybody else, please ask.
When he came to, he felt he was floating. Well, he thought he was a he, not that he was aware enough to do a parts check. //So, maybe he, but I'm definitely alive.//
And the floating was definitely happening. It didn't have the silky glide of water on limbs, so water was out.
It could have been the buoyancy of space, but that was ridiculous, because he didn't feel any EVA suit encasing him, protecting him from the vacuum of space. In fact, he felt absolutely ... naked. But ... strangely good. Not cold, just ... comfortable.
He cracked open his left eye.
And closed it.
He was dreaming. That was it. A freaky dream brought on by bad lishaqa. He'd be okay in the morning. Whenever that was.
This time he thought he was being smart. He remembered joking about being smart. He cracked open his right eye.
And closed it even faster than before.
//Think, think, think! Dammit. Am I stuck in a VR?//
And, not even knowing why he was doing it, he deliberately thought OFF at whatever contraption had him believing he was floating.
Naked.
In space.
Above a strangely familiar planet on which shone the jewel that he remembered seeing at least once before.
Atlantis.
//Fuck.//
This couldn't be good.
He opened both eyes at the same time. //Yeah, just call me reckless.// Why that thought brought back sharp pangs of loss and disappointment he didn't know.
At least he wasn't all glowy with tendrils, tentacles, whatever their official terminology was. He seemed to be recalling something he once knew, but didn't know exactly what.
No, he was naked and ... translucent, his skin a light silvery blue color. But, at least he reassured himself that he was a he. And there was a freaking umbilical cord at his //Thanks a lot guys, but I already had one of these// belly button.
Being mostly done with the freaking out, his eyes followed the new umbilical cord. It seemed to stretch from his body all the way down several klicks to the surface of the planet. It seemed to be leading to the control tower of the city. He couldn't see it clearly, not when it was juxtaposed against the bright blue of the ocean covering the planet.
Okay. He was breathing. Didn't know how, didn't exactly care. Maybe it was the umbilical cord protecting him. //Hey, you know I coulda been Mensa.// Once again, an unfamiliar reference, an unsubstantiated fact.
He looked out at the vastness of space where he was bobbing around and then back down to the planet. It seemed logical that there was only one direction for him. All the way down.
He gave a tiny tug on the umbilical cord and smiled as it began to retract, reeling him in gently. //Huh, Oddnee would think this was so cool.// He shivered. He didn't know who this Oddnee was, but felt there was a connection somewhere. Maybe he was being pulled down to meet this Oddnee person.
At the rate he was being reeled in, he realized it would be days before he reached the surface of the planet. So, maybe catching some shut-eye would be a good thing. He didn't understand how or why, but knew he'd experienced the approach from space to the planet before. In a something jumper. He squeezed his eyes closed, deciding that he wasn't in any danger – no, he'd felt no warning signs of that.
His body continued to drift, drawing closer to what he hoped and dreamed would provide the answer to all of the uncertainty.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Okay, now he was feeling definitely warm. Even though he was still floating. So he cautiously opened both eyes and found himself still floating, but he was inside.
Inside where?
A large tall-ceilinged room dominated by an impressive looking carved stone ring.
Light was streaming in through the decorative windows. He turned toward it hungrily, seeking the warmth that didn't penetrate through the protective glass panes.
Still naked and suspended in a beam, slowly rotating so that he could get a good look at the entire chamber.
The umbilical cord that had seemed endless had shrunk. It was still attached to his navel. But the other end ... the other end was attached to the navel of....
There was a man ... supposedly a man, even though he was silver blue. Not wearing any clothes, either. The other end of the cord stretched tautly from his navel.
Dark, spiky hair above a body that seemed sturdier than his own, though not as tall.
There was a sound; it seemed like a sound, even though the man didn't open his mouth.
“Hello, Aler. I've been waiting for you for a very long time.”
Okay, just who the hell was this Aler guy. He didn't think his name was Aler. He thought it was a short name, but the only name in his memory was this Oddnee.
He opened his mouth. As if unused for centuries, his voice emerged in a painful croak. “Are you Oddnee?”
This time the man did open his mouth. To laugh. It was like chimes, their bright peal slashing through the cobwebs in his mind. “No, Aler. I am not this Oddnee. My name is Brin.”
He wracked his mind. Brin. Brin. No, the name didn't sound familiar. “Brin. Do I know you?”
The man, okay, Brin, laughed again. “Ever since the beginning. You and I were born when the city came to life.”
He shook his head. “But that was....”
There was a flare of empathy in the other's eyes. “A very long time ago. Yes.”
“So where have I been all this time?”
“Floating from life to life, living thousands of times. You were so restless, you couldn't stay here when the city went to sleep, abandoned.”
“But what about you? Where were you?”
Brin's mouth formed a sad little smile. “Here. I hid. Those arrogant fools never suspected I had any selfless desire to stay, to wait for you. When the city slept, I slept. And waited. I knew you'd return to me one day.”
He shrugged. There was something nagging him at the back of his mind. “I remember being here before, but I don't remember you. I remember coming through the ring and the city came to life all around me. I remember Oddnee and my name.” He was struck by a sudden realization. “My name was ... John.”
Brin regarded him in silence for a long moment. “Yes, your name was John. But you have always been Aler to me. What you remember as the city reacting to you was me awakening and reaching toward your presence. I – the city – was alive again. Reacting to your gene, your true heritage.”
“So why do I keep remembering the name 'Oddnee'?”
Brin seemed to be deep in thought. “His name was Rodney. You loved him for a long time.”
The memory of a face flickered in John's mind. Brilliant blue eyes filled with intelligence and wit, and crooked lips. He'd loved ... this man?
“Why can't I forget him? Or didn't he love me?”
“If I remember – and that was thousands of years ago – he did love you. But you never made your intentions clear ... something about rules, so he never allowed himself to hope that he could have you. I believe he chose another.”
John trembled. Okay, not so warm now. “You said thousands. How long ago?”
“Approximately 40,000 revolutions around this sun.”
His mind boggled. And there was another faint memory – something about forty thousand. “The sun, it's going to-”
“Yes, in about eight thousand years. But we have time to fly the city to a new system.”
“Okay, listen. I need to think ... or not think ... or sleep. Or something. And do you have a body? Do I? Or are we stuck as silver blue dudes?”
Brin moved closer to John. All this time, they'd still been separated by the shortened length of the umbilical cord. “Aler, you need to recharge your energy from me. While this is happening, we will both be in this translucent state. After you have recovered, I will remove the umbilical cord. Then you'll be able to take any form you please, though for some reason this form from Rodney's time suits you. And it is how you returned to me the first time.”
Brin's body floated up until he was suspended next to John. He looked into John's eyes and saw confusion still, but growing trust as well. He drew the taller man into his embrace. John curled up, feeling protected, and closed his eyes.
“Sleep now and we will talk again when you awaken.” And John slept.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As John slept, the memories came trickling through. He'd floated from life to life, his DNA and life force replacing that of a child in the womb that had died. That's how he'd done it, thousands of times. He hadn't always been a man. He'd been born a woman many times, had given birth. How many men could say the same? He had offspring in at least two galaxies. There was an involuntary pang of regret shearing through the memories. He had children, probably thousands of grandchildren, and didn't remember any of them. He hoped they'd led good lives with no war, famine or predators (human or alien or – and he shuddered – Wraith).
He remembered how he'd often never fit into the family where he'd inserted himself. As John, he remembered how he didn't even look like his brother, how he'd felt apart. His sense of justice, of personal morality, how he'd gone against what he considered to be unfair commands, no matter what price he ended up paying.
He remembered being reckless with his life, sacrificing his own desire to protect himself, to live, with the concept of 'never leaving anyone behind'. Now he could understand how his potentially suicidal actions were meaningless when superimposed against a background of thousands of lives lived. Still, he knew that, even if he'd only had a single life to live, he would have done the same thing. It was who he was, or she. They. Whatever.
He remembered Oddnee, no, Rodney. He couldn't resent the man. How could he, when he'd been less than honest about his feelings. He hoped he, too, had led a fulfilling life and eventually won that big prize he kept obsessing over. Noble? Nobel, that was it. If anybody deserved it, Rodney did. And he had been a good friend.
He also remembered the desire for speed. Where there was flight, he flew. Where there hadn't been, he ran. Anything to keep moving as fast as he was capable.
And, finally, he remembered Brin. How they'd grown up in the city of pure thought. How Brin loved him. How he loved him back.
How Brin had let him go, realizing that he couldn't be tied down to a fraction of a life, imprisoned within the city he loved, in the hope that one day he could have it all back again.
The memories dissipated, leaving him with a renewed sense of peace. And so he slept.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
When he next woke, he was still embraced by Brin. But Brin was no longer silver-blue. He was still naked, but looked fully human. John looked down at his own skin and saw that he looked human again. And the umbilical cord had disappeared. He guessed it had served its purpose. And they weren't floating any longer.
He reached out a hand and trailed it down Brin's face.
Warm.
Familiar.
And, suddenly he was overwhelmed with the sensation of loss which was ridiculous because how could he feel the loss when he had never remembered it happening the first time.
Against the whirlwind of emotions swirling through his head (and since when did he admit to all these emotions), he felt Brin's arms tighten around his body, strong capable hands clasping his shoulders, grounding him.
“Shhh. Don't worry. We will never again be separated.”
John was struggling to state what it was he wanted. “I want ... I want....”
“What can I give you, Aler? What do you want? Food? Drink?”
John felt as if he'd denied himself for too long. Which was pathetic really, as he'd loved before, had children, and a good life. Lives. But all he could think of was Brin. And himself. Keeping with the whole no-clothes thing. “You. And a bed.”
Brin laughed again. It had been too long since he had. “ I can give you both. Come with me.” And he held out his hand to John, leading him up the stairs where there was this impossibly huge bed against a backdrop of ocean, sun and fresh air.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
When they woke next, it was dark outside and cool breezes were caressing their sated bodies. John felt rubbed raw, in mind and body, all repression sloughed off like a dead skin. His mind boggled. He could have this man – this being – for eternity. No more wandering, no more questioning lives, no more not belonging.
He was home.
Well, until they had to move it. Speaking of which.... “Brin, when can we move the city?”
“If you like, now.”
“So, Chair Room then?”
Brin shook his head. “That's no longer necessary. Give me your hand.”
As their hands touched and fingers twined together, John felt his body changing back into a translucent state. But this time the color was the same intense blue he'd remembered from when he'd been in the Chair last.
“Now, just think about flying.”
Against anything he had ever expected, as if having been in Atlantis twice before didn't count, John felt the city rise underneath him, soaring into the sky.
John looked over at Brin, grinned and said the only word that made any sense. “Cool.”
END
AUTHOR: Helena K.
RATING: FRT / PG13
PAIRINGS: John Sheppard/OMC, mention of John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
CHARACTERS: John Sheppard, Brin (Rodney McKay)
DEDICATION: Merry Christmas '08 to my chosen baby brother, Brian.
WORD COUNT: 2,323 words
WARNING: M/M slash relationship
SUMMARY: John comes to in unfamiliar surroundings, yet perhaps not.
TIMELINE: Post S5, AU Futurefic (how future – just keep reading)
NOTE: “Speech”
Emphasis
//Thoughts//
DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to the SciFi Network and a whole bunch of alphabetical entities (or should I say belonged?). I know the Polish alphabet. Not the same thing. Not for profit, just fun.
DISTRIBUTION: Posted to my LJ, cross-posted to
mckay_sheppard and atlantis_slash; anybody else, please ask.When he came to, he felt he was floating. Well, he thought he was a he, not that he was aware enough to do a parts check. //So, maybe he, but I'm definitely alive.//
And the floating was definitely happening. It didn't have the silky glide of water on limbs, so water was out.
It could have been the buoyancy of space, but that was ridiculous, because he didn't feel any EVA suit encasing him, protecting him from the vacuum of space. In fact, he felt absolutely ... naked. But ... strangely good. Not cold, just ... comfortable.
He cracked open his left eye.
And closed it.
He was dreaming. That was it. A freaky dream brought on by bad lishaqa. He'd be okay in the morning. Whenever that was.
This time he thought he was being smart. He remembered joking about being smart. He cracked open his right eye.
And closed it even faster than before.
//Think, think, think! Dammit. Am I stuck in a VR?//
And, not even knowing why he was doing it, he deliberately thought OFF at whatever contraption had him believing he was floating.
Naked.
In space.
Above a strangely familiar planet on which shone the jewel that he remembered seeing at least once before.
Atlantis.
//Fuck.//
This couldn't be good.
He opened both eyes at the same time. //Yeah, just call me reckless.// Why that thought brought back sharp pangs of loss and disappointment he didn't know.
At least he wasn't all glowy with tendrils, tentacles, whatever their official terminology was. He seemed to be recalling something he once knew, but didn't know exactly what.
No, he was naked and ... translucent, his skin a light silvery blue color. But, at least he reassured himself that he was a he. And there was a freaking umbilical cord at his //Thanks a lot guys, but I already had one of these// belly button.
Being mostly done with the freaking out, his eyes followed the new umbilical cord. It seemed to stretch from his body all the way down several klicks to the surface of the planet. It seemed to be leading to the control tower of the city. He couldn't see it clearly, not when it was juxtaposed against the bright blue of the ocean covering the planet.
Okay. He was breathing. Didn't know how, didn't exactly care. Maybe it was the umbilical cord protecting him. //Hey, you know I coulda been Mensa.// Once again, an unfamiliar reference, an unsubstantiated fact.
He looked out at the vastness of space where he was bobbing around and then back down to the planet. It seemed logical that there was only one direction for him. All the way down.
He gave a tiny tug on the umbilical cord and smiled as it began to retract, reeling him in gently. //Huh, Oddnee would think this was so cool.// He shivered. He didn't know who this Oddnee was, but felt there was a connection somewhere. Maybe he was being pulled down to meet this Oddnee person.
At the rate he was being reeled in, he realized it would be days before he reached the surface of the planet. So, maybe catching some shut-eye would be a good thing. He didn't understand how or why, but knew he'd experienced the approach from space to the planet before. In a something jumper. He squeezed his eyes closed, deciding that he wasn't in any danger – no, he'd felt no warning signs of that.
His body continued to drift, drawing closer to what he hoped and dreamed would provide the answer to all of the uncertainty.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Okay, now he was feeling definitely warm. Even though he was still floating. So he cautiously opened both eyes and found himself still floating, but he was inside.
Inside where?
A large tall-ceilinged room dominated by an impressive looking carved stone ring.
Light was streaming in through the decorative windows. He turned toward it hungrily, seeking the warmth that didn't penetrate through the protective glass panes.
Still naked and suspended in a beam, slowly rotating so that he could get a good look at the entire chamber.
The umbilical cord that had seemed endless had shrunk. It was still attached to his navel. But the other end ... the other end was attached to the navel of....
There was a man ... supposedly a man, even though he was silver blue. Not wearing any clothes, either. The other end of the cord stretched tautly from his navel.
Dark, spiky hair above a body that seemed sturdier than his own, though not as tall.
There was a sound; it seemed like a sound, even though the man didn't open his mouth.
“Hello, Aler. I've been waiting for you for a very long time.”
Okay, just who the hell was this Aler guy. He didn't think his name was Aler. He thought it was a short name, but the only name in his memory was this Oddnee.
He opened his mouth. As if unused for centuries, his voice emerged in a painful croak. “Are you Oddnee?”
This time the man did open his mouth. To laugh. It was like chimes, their bright peal slashing through the cobwebs in his mind. “No, Aler. I am not this Oddnee. My name is Brin.”
He wracked his mind. Brin. Brin. No, the name didn't sound familiar. “Brin. Do I know you?”
The man, okay, Brin, laughed again. “Ever since the beginning. You and I were born when the city came to life.”
He shook his head. “But that was....”
There was a flare of empathy in the other's eyes. “A very long time ago. Yes.”
“So where have I been all this time?”
“Floating from life to life, living thousands of times. You were so restless, you couldn't stay here when the city went to sleep, abandoned.”
“But what about you? Where were you?”
Brin's mouth formed a sad little smile. “Here. I hid. Those arrogant fools never suspected I had any selfless desire to stay, to wait for you. When the city slept, I slept. And waited. I knew you'd return to me one day.”
He shrugged. There was something nagging him at the back of his mind. “I remember being here before, but I don't remember you. I remember coming through the ring and the city came to life all around me. I remember Oddnee and my name.” He was struck by a sudden realization. “My name was ... John.”
Brin regarded him in silence for a long moment. “Yes, your name was John. But you have always been Aler to me. What you remember as the city reacting to you was me awakening and reaching toward your presence. I – the city – was alive again. Reacting to your gene, your true heritage.”
“So why do I keep remembering the name 'Oddnee'?”
Brin seemed to be deep in thought. “His name was Rodney. You loved him for a long time.”
The memory of a face flickered in John's mind. Brilliant blue eyes filled with intelligence and wit, and crooked lips. He'd loved ... this man?
“Why can't I forget him? Or didn't he love me?”
“If I remember – and that was thousands of years ago – he did love you. But you never made your intentions clear ... something about rules, so he never allowed himself to hope that he could have you. I believe he chose another.”
John trembled. Okay, not so warm now. “You said thousands. How long ago?”
“Approximately 40,000 revolutions around this sun.”
His mind boggled. And there was another faint memory – something about forty thousand. “The sun, it's going to-”
“Yes, in about eight thousand years. But we have time to fly the city to a new system.”
“Okay, listen. I need to think ... or not think ... or sleep. Or something. And do you have a body? Do I? Or are we stuck as silver blue dudes?”
Brin moved closer to John. All this time, they'd still been separated by the shortened length of the umbilical cord. “Aler, you need to recharge your energy from me. While this is happening, we will both be in this translucent state. After you have recovered, I will remove the umbilical cord. Then you'll be able to take any form you please, though for some reason this form from Rodney's time suits you. And it is how you returned to me the first time.”
Brin's body floated up until he was suspended next to John. He looked into John's eyes and saw confusion still, but growing trust as well. He drew the taller man into his embrace. John curled up, feeling protected, and closed his eyes.
“Sleep now and we will talk again when you awaken.” And John slept.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As John slept, the memories came trickling through. He'd floated from life to life, his DNA and life force replacing that of a child in the womb that had died. That's how he'd done it, thousands of times. He hadn't always been a man. He'd been born a woman many times, had given birth. How many men could say the same? He had offspring in at least two galaxies. There was an involuntary pang of regret shearing through the memories. He had children, probably thousands of grandchildren, and didn't remember any of them. He hoped they'd led good lives with no war, famine or predators (human or alien or – and he shuddered – Wraith).
He remembered how he'd often never fit into the family where he'd inserted himself. As John, he remembered how he didn't even look like his brother, how he'd felt apart. His sense of justice, of personal morality, how he'd gone against what he considered to be unfair commands, no matter what price he ended up paying.
He remembered being reckless with his life, sacrificing his own desire to protect himself, to live, with the concept of 'never leaving anyone behind'. Now he could understand how his potentially suicidal actions were meaningless when superimposed against a background of thousands of lives lived. Still, he knew that, even if he'd only had a single life to live, he would have done the same thing. It was who he was, or she. They. Whatever.
He remembered Oddnee, no, Rodney. He couldn't resent the man. How could he, when he'd been less than honest about his feelings. He hoped he, too, had led a fulfilling life and eventually won that big prize he kept obsessing over. Noble? Nobel, that was it. If anybody deserved it, Rodney did. And he had been a good friend.
He also remembered the desire for speed. Where there was flight, he flew. Where there hadn't been, he ran. Anything to keep moving as fast as he was capable.
And, finally, he remembered Brin. How they'd grown up in the city of pure thought. How Brin loved him. How he loved him back.
How Brin had let him go, realizing that he couldn't be tied down to a fraction of a life, imprisoned within the city he loved, in the hope that one day he could have it all back again.
The memories dissipated, leaving him with a renewed sense of peace. And so he slept.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
When he next woke, he was still embraced by Brin. But Brin was no longer silver-blue. He was still naked, but looked fully human. John looked down at his own skin and saw that he looked human again. And the umbilical cord had disappeared. He guessed it had served its purpose. And they weren't floating any longer.
He reached out a hand and trailed it down Brin's face.
Warm.
Familiar.
And, suddenly he was overwhelmed with the sensation of loss which was ridiculous because how could he feel the loss when he had never remembered it happening the first time.
Against the whirlwind of emotions swirling through his head (and since when did he admit to all these emotions), he felt Brin's arms tighten around his body, strong capable hands clasping his shoulders, grounding him.
“Shhh. Don't worry. We will never again be separated.”
John was struggling to state what it was he wanted. “I want ... I want....”
“What can I give you, Aler? What do you want? Food? Drink?”
John felt as if he'd denied himself for too long. Which was pathetic really, as he'd loved before, had children, and a good life. Lives. But all he could think of was Brin. And himself. Keeping with the whole no-clothes thing. “You. And a bed.”
Brin laughed again. It had been too long since he had. “ I can give you both. Come with me.” And he held out his hand to John, leading him up the stairs where there was this impossibly huge bed against a backdrop of ocean, sun and fresh air.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
When they woke next, it was dark outside and cool breezes were caressing their sated bodies. John felt rubbed raw, in mind and body, all repression sloughed off like a dead skin. His mind boggled. He could have this man – this being – for eternity. No more wandering, no more questioning lives, no more not belonging.
He was home.
Well, until they had to move it. Speaking of which.... “Brin, when can we move the city?”
“If you like, now.”
“So, Chair Room then?”
Brin shook his head. “That's no longer necessary. Give me your hand.”
As their hands touched and fingers twined together, John felt his body changing back into a translucent state. But this time the color was the same intense blue he'd remembered from when he'd been in the Chair last.
“Now, just think about flying.”
Against anything he had ever expected, as if having been in Atlantis twice before didn't count, John felt the city rise underneath him, soaring into the sky.
John looked over at Brin, grinned and said the only word that made any sense. “Cool.”
END
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From:
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From:
no subject
As for the unrequited McShep (well, from John's perspective), you do know that I'm making excuses for stupid, unimaginative canon, right? I find the way that the Flan plays Joe is heartbreaking at times ~ like at the beginning of Tracker (and I didn't even need my fancy slash goggles to see it).
In any case, John's memories of Rodney gave him a connection (yaaay, plot device) to having been on Atlantis before. And ended up with his intended mate through space and time.
Thanks for dropping by. After all, it's not as if I had anything important to do ... like sleep!
From:
no subject
Ah! That does explain a lot.... nice!
From:
no subject
You may just call me the Canon Doctor. And, yes, I've been very busy this season, even if only in my mind (Gr. Argh).
I'm pleased you enjoyed it.
I'm hoping the recipient does as well, even though I'm sure he was expecting John's relationship with an Ancient to be in the present. Not so fast there, buddy! Anyway, I'm sure he has yet to pick himself up off the floor when I told him there was no explicit sex. Perhaps I needed a holiday from writing it.